August 14th, 2008 5:33 pm | by WHITNEY HAWKE News | Posted In: CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP

Phix Needs Some Fixing... Steer Clear

Phix is a fixer-upper. The "all natural herbal supplement" comes in powder-form (Tropic and Teaberry flavored) that when mixed with 12-16 ounces of water, tastes like the bastard child of water and diluted Tang. Phix is a Seattle-based company that claims their drink powder will boost energy and be a healthy replacement for that afternoon cup of coffee or pre-workout energy drink. But the bottom line is that Phix tastes like filth, and there are many theories about what makes the concoction so fowl. Here is a summary of reactions from the brave taste-testers (...who are still recovering from the trauma).


WW Arts & Culture Editor Kelly Clarke (seen below, gagging) believes Phix drives women into prostitution. Why? Because after they taste Phix's shit-juice, women have to get something...anything else in their mouth to wash away the taste. One of these remedial alternatives is splooge. Think about it, you're really killing two birds with one stone here. You rid your mouth of the metallic, grainy Phix aftertaste, AND you make a few bucks! Huzzah!


To give Phix some credit, their promotional materials are ballin'. The box sent to the WW office is filled with sprigs of lavender, the boxes of silver, tubular powder packets are well designed and look eco-friendly, they included a Klean Kanteen (retail $11-$14) with the Phix logo on the side, and the press information came on a handy USB flashdrive. Kudos for that.


Personally, I wanted it to be good, I really did. It's from the Pacific NW. It's vegan. It only has 26 calories. And I was just thirsty this morning. But it smells like Flintstones chewable vitamins, looks a murky bog of gross and tastes like garbage-water. Therefore I'm sticking with coffee, which is one of a few things strong enough to rid the mouth of remnant Phix taste. As a lowly unpaid intern, I'll pocket the USB after clearing it of press material, swish out the Klean Kanteen and call the Phix taste test a material gain, but a crime against taste buds everywhere.
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