's press deadlines, we braved the new world of three-dimensional dancing.
Step Up 3D
WW Critic's Score:
There are three kinds of 3-D movies, and with Hollywood humping the trend like a jackrabbit in heat, it's best to know what you're getting into. There are movies like Toy Story 3
that use the technology to enhance the filmscape's texture with subtlety. There are movies like The Last Airbender
that add the third dimension last minute to dismal results.
Then there are movies like Step Up 3D
, which uses the technology like a three-year-old jacked up on pixie sticks and energy drinks. These are the kinds of films that spend their entire running time lobbing crap at the screen and into the audience's faces just because it looks cool. And cool it does look. In fact, this street-dancing opus is like a crash course in 3-D's abilities.
Below are the Cliffs Notes.
Things that look good in 3-D
: Jailbait actors undulating their bare midriffs. Bubbles. People doing the robot in extreme close-up. Fugly Argentinean twins. Asian toddlers break dancing. Parkour. T-shirts equipped with lasers. Stomping in water. Corridors. Butt cheeks. Crunking.
Things that look bad in 3-D
: Fauxhawks. People jump-kicking toward the camera. Jew-fros. Extra-fast movement. Fugly Argentinean twins (it's a double standard, actually). Balloons. New Yorkers. The tango. Floating Slurpee liquid that looks like alien splooge (yet precipitates hot make-outs).
Things that look good in any dimension
: Dudes dressed up like extras from Beyond Thunderdome
break dancing and flinging dust everywhere. Laser shirts. Jailbait actors undulating their bare midriffs. Amazingly choreographed group dance routines. Fuckin' laser shirts.
Things that look bad in any dimension
: Cliché stories of star-crossed lovers who must dance against all odds to “step up” to love. Cliché stories of high school friends falling for each other in college. Waxing Zen about dancing in a way that was dated even when The Swayze did it. Fauxhawks. Dancing as a form of gang warfare.
: Dancing solves problems—any problem. And it brings people together, as evidenced by the post-racial, international crew of dancers who crunk all their problems away.
Step Up 3D
should screen nightly on the Gaza Strip. PG-13.
Opened Friday at Century at Clackamas Town Center, Century Eastport 16, Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18&IMAX, Cinetopia, Division Street Stadium 13, Lloyd Center Stadium 10 Cinema, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Sandy Cinemas.