Where is the best place in Portland to drop trow and whiz? This question is one of those unanswerable black holes. Like, where does the food in the garbage disposal go? Or, why can't I lick my elbow even though I try really hard? The website MizPee.com has set out to find the best and worst squat pots around the country
by collecting toilet and restroom reviews from potty-concerned patrons in different cities.
So what establishment is perched atop the pinnacle of Portland's piss scene? According to MizPee, it's The Farm Café
(10 SE 7th
Ave.), which boasts the city's highest rating—a five out of five. After taking a closer look, their lavatory does
have some fine points (see photo below): a full length mirror, French lavender soap, and a matchbook. Though in the grand scheme of things, the loo at the Farm is a disappointingly mundane champion. The floor is jet black linoleum with white speckles, there's a highchair and booster seat awkwardly stacked in the corner, and the walls are adorned with drab paintings – like the one of pears used to make Alden Fruit Vinegar. It's clear the Portland reviewers on MizPee don't know their MizAss from a hole in the ground.
MizPee's rating system runs on a scale of one to five, and is visually quantified by little icons that look like rolls of toilet paper and are located next to the name of local businesses. Stumptown Coffee Roasters
(3356 SE Belmont St.) came in second place, receiving an average of five “rolls” by three voters.
One of Portland's most eclectic restrooms, the women's room at the McMenamins Hillsdale Pub
(1505 SW Sunset Blvd.), has not yet been listed on MizPee. Giant googley-eyed fish, sea urchins and sea weed are painted on all the walls. And a shadow of a row boat glosses the ceiling, so it feels like you're going tinkle amidst a school of fish directly under a boat! It's worth taking a looksy. (See the photo at the top of this post).
(118 NE 28th
Ave.), drug store Rite Aid
(600 NW 10th
Ave.) and a Shell Station
on SE Grand are all tied for dead last, receiving an average score of two rolls by three voters.
MizPee founders Peter Olfe and Dhana Pawar, who live in San Francisco, launched the site's beta version in 2007. Over 2.5 million people have visited the website since it went live. And look out! They're going international. In February of this year, they launched MizPee Europe
to help people find the best restrooms in cities such as London, Paris, Berlin, and a grip of Europe's other mega-metropolises.
You can help paint Portland's lavatory landscape by voting in Yojo Mobile's “Flush of the Year” contest held in conjunction with MizPee.com. You can vote here