Former WW culture intern Bradley Campbell has just exposed the Portland Trail Blazers' secret weapon heading into tonight's home game against the Cleveland Cavaliers: locals and our strange customs.
In a post
for clevescene.com, the ex-pat Portland writer urged Cleveland superstar LeBron James not to succumb to our irresistible temptations. He cautions James that our city is “a sneaky place” with “kooky people” who [eat like brontosauruses].
As much as we all wish we could be emulating Cleveland
, especially in late January
, Campbell does have a point.
Indeed, the Blazers have won 18 out of 22 at home and eight out of 22 away from home. No team besides Utah has such a stark contrast between home and away victories, and Utah is full of Mormons.
We've got lots of Mormons here too, But the most visible and vocal segment of the population is certainly the group of "weirdos" who concern Campbell. I agree that LeBron should be very careful to stay away from these people. The likelihood that they will encircle him, perform unusual dances in his honor, serenade him with indie rock ballads, and provide him with atrophy-inducing potions is almost as likely as the possibility that they will not recognize him at all.
But the most important thing, as Campbell clearly states, is for LeBron to resist, at all costs, the vegan-proselytizing that he will likely face. No doubt, if LeBron substituted kale, coffee and tofu for pork and potatoes he would turn gangly and start jumping like Larry Bird.