Skip to main contentAs Portland's top cop, Charles Moose never pretended to be a master wordsmith--or even a competent one, really--which makes the idea of an entire Moose-penned book a risky one from the start. But for those who crave more of the ex-chief's candid musings, Three Weeks in October (for which he notoriously traded his job in Montgomery County for a $170,000 advance) is a smorgasbord of vintage Moose.
Here's the problem, though: If you were looking for the inside scoop on the D.C. sniper manhunt, this isn't your book. What you get instead is an inventory of Moose's meandering off-topic thoughts--bouncing from exhaustive overviews of his daily schedule to his ironing habits for his police uniform--that sound as though they were transcribed straight from his Dictaphone by co-author Charles Fleming. Three Weeks (Dutton, 322 pages, $23.95) breaks no news about the sniper case and even leaves lengthy threads of the manhunt story dangling, letting Moose sprinkle the book with huge chunks of his own biography. Down to the last page, Moose chooses to gripe about his unjust treatment in the press instead of inking a missive to the 13 victims of the serial snipers.
On the bright side, at least some of Moose's ruminations are entertaining, if unintentionally. But don't take our word for it. Here's Charles Moose on...
...the shame of wearing shorts: "Wearing shorts was real embarrassing to me. In fact, I'm pretty much a long pants guy now. I own a couple of pairs of shorts. I've only ever worn them in Hawaii, and even then I feel kind of uncomfortable in them.... It isn't that I have ugly legs.... If I retire and manage to get to Hawaii, I plan to wear shorts a lot someday."
...his confused past: "When
I was thirty years old, I entered the 'Mr. Portland' bodybuilding contest.... I got up onstage in my underwear. I had all the poses. I had a routine. I had music by Michael Jackson--something from the Off the Wall album.... This was a goal I had set for myself."
...the terrible challenges facing
differently follicled women: "Captain Demme is not easily ruffled.... She's very tough and very firm--despite the blond hair she keeps tied up under her police officer's hat."
...Mayor Vera Katz: "Vera Katz is a round, bubbly woman with beet red hair and bright blue eyes. She's New York Jewish and chatty--the kind of woman you wouldn't be surprised to meet running a reading group at the local library or baking pumpernickel rye bread at the local bakery. You might be surprised to find her running a city, but that's her job."
...the skill gap between the boys in red and the boys in blue: "I was in a weird financial bind in Portland. The city government had a rule about salaries. The head of the police department couldn't be paid more than the head of the fire department.... I don't want to take anything away from the fire department...but running the fire department is not the same as running the police department. I felt strongly that I deserved more money."
...Portland's draconian salary decisions: "In Portland I was stuck at $103,000.... [After leaving for the Maryland position] I found out my successor as chief of police in Portland started at a salary of $130,000--$27,000 a year more than the top dollar that was ever going to be available to me. Funny how that works."
...impolite U.S. presidents and their half-assed congratulatory phone calls: "We had to wait another thirty minutes for the President to be ready to address us. The President's voice came through the microphones at the podium. It was like listening to a speech on the radio. The President didn't seem to want to have a conversation.... I was somewhat disappointed. For three weeks we had stood up to this terrible violence in our community.... I wish the President could have rolled out to Rockville."
...the greatest leader in the history of the universe: "If there's a model for [leadership], I think it's The Wizard of Oz. This is the greatest leadership movie in the world. Think of the story. Dorothy is in trouble.... Dorothy and her friends vanquish evil, get the bad guy, liberate an oppressed people, expose fraud in government and become heroes. Dorothy leads them perfectly.... I always encourage people to watch that movie and think about leadership."
...his indelible imprint on the city of Portland:
"I am not sure what my legacy in Portland is. The longer you're gone from a job like that, the more they seem to miss you."
WWeek 2015