Almost Live: Magic at Blazers

Okay, I’m a little late to start here. Man, this building is really, really red. I wonder about these things—if they really make a difference. It certainly has the feel of what folks in the biz like to call “playoff atmosphere.”

Here we go.

9:33
All I’m hearing from the crowd is overwhelming disappointment, but I look down at the score and it’s 4-2 Blazers. That seems incongruous. But I haven’t actually been watching the game yet, just getting the blog all set. I was sitting down in the media buffet room and I kept talking about how I wanted to go talk to Adonal Foyle about WikiLeaks. Foyle, if you don’t know (and I didn’t know part of this) is an ex-NBA center (now serving as director of player personnel for the Magic) who is really politically minded and does a lot of activism for finance campaign reform and young voter registration and the like. I asked if Adonal was busy, and he kind of laughed and tossed his paperwork to the side, and we chatted for a good 10 or 15 minutes. I was inspired by Adonal’s tenacity when he played the game—something aching knees and coaches who didn’t dig his style prevented from happening as much as it should have—and I’m even more inspired by the fact that he used the NBA as a platform to become politically involved. So we had a good chat about WikiLeaks (he has mixed feelings on them, especially where China is involved), Barack Obama (he’s still a big supporter, even if he doesn’t agree with everything the president does) and the recent decision to extend the Bush-era tax breaks in exchange for unemployment extension (he thought it was a necessary move, even if it looked bad politically). Really stoked to get a chance to talk to him. I left the tape recorder out of it.

5:19
Okay, so Dwight Howard is totally destroying the Blazers, single-handedly. Sucks.

3:29
Brandon Roy is hitting his jumpshots. And Paddy Mills is checking in less than 9 minutes into the game. Can you say superstar? Can you say “everyone’s new favorite player”? (I only say this because there’s widespread disagreement about Paddy’s effectiveness on press row.)

35.2
Paddy Mills is not a great defender—he’s an active one, sure—and compounding that problem, he really wants to defend everyone on the floor. Pretty sure he’s playing zone in a man-to-man defense.

0.0
22-14 Orlando. Seems about right. Though Dwight Howard scoring 18, that’s remarkable. It warrants my remark. Here comes the remark: “Wow, howabout that Dwight Howard?”

SECOND QUARTER
Time for another cartoon! I’ll drop the third, last—and best—cartoon as your halftime treat. The idea was half-cooked tonight, I have to admit. I was in the office when I realized I had forgotten my sweet-ass 21st century super-pen, and that I couldn’t make cartoons without it. So I decided to make cartoons without it. And these are the results. By the way, if your boss ever walks by and you’re drawing cartoons instead of working on that Dolorean profile that was supposed to be in today (well, adapt that work project to whatever makes sense for you), and your boss says “what the fuck are you doing?” There are three magic words that work every time. “Building our brand.” They love that.

9:49
So, this is officially why I went to college. To have drunk Blazer fans on the suite level yell “HI, BLOGGERS!” at me and wave. Unrelated: It’s good to have Andre Miller back. Sitting out that game must have killed him.

8:52
Rudy’s got those three goggles on!

5:57
JJ Redick has three contacts. Three Lasik. Fuck the goggles.

5:02
40-30 Orlando. JJ Redick just got a totally clean drive from the top of the arc to the basket, where he leisurely layed it up. The fans seem pissed, then two possessions later, Andre Miller gets the exact same opportunity, and takes it, and makes it. And the next time up, LaMarcus Aldridge makes a clear lane for himself by juking around Dwight Howard. It’s as if JJ had shown the Blazers a brand new move—one that had never been tried before—and they learned it on the spot. It’s a funny thing.

2:55
Man, believe that hype on Dwight Howard. That guy has really put it together. And tonight he’s 6-for-6 from the free-throw line? That’s pretty insane. About time to handicap that guy. Lucky for the Blazers, no one else can get it going at the moment. And the Zers are getting nice production from guys like Nic Batum (the French Renaissance, I tell you) and…well, boom, Wes Matthews, who just dropped a big three at the 1:30 mark.

1:00
Nothing like a Dwight Howard monster dunk to quiet the crowd. In this case you can hear them all saying “oooh.” But the Blazers keep fighting through his assault.

0.0
A Blazer timeout couldn’t get a score before the buzzer. 46-45 Blazers. Not bad considering Dwight had 26.

HALFTIME

We get the Rubberboy. This is fucked up, man. Guy is real stretchy. Just Google him.

THIRD QUARTER

10:46
I think Marcus Camby took all that Dwight Howard scoring stuff personally. He’s taking it to the rim here early in the second half. Stan Van Gundy looks upset. He’s not screaming, though. Which is good for everyone’s blood pressure.

BY THE WAY! Did you see Rod Thorn screaming at Doug Collins? I’m sure that’ll be on the YouTube shortly. I believe his words were “NO! DOUG! FUCK YOU, DOUG!” if my lip-reading skills are up-to-date. If you’ve seen a blog link, I’d love to see it. My guess is that Doug Collins isn’t going to last long. If someone would take my bet at 20-to-1 odds, I’d throw 20 bucks down on that being his last game. Then again, he did get the 76ers within a point of beating the Celts. That’s saying something.

7:25
As usual, the Blazers’ offensive rebounding is doing a lot to keep them in this game. What’s unusual is that they’re getting a lot of offensive (and defensive) boards against the very capable Magic.

Wes Matthews puts on his three goggles and Marcus Camby take it to the hoop again. Gotta love this momentum swing if you’re a Blazer fan.

4:57
I’ve said over and over again that Marcus Camby is my favorite Blazer these days, and I’ve also said that I wish the team would find a way to take advantage of his excellent passing. Camby just picked up his second assist on his second lob to LaMarcus on the alley-oop, and it looks so, so sweet. The Blazers have some spirit.

Wes Matthews just went for air-rocks. Doesn’t look like the TNT cameras caught it, or that’d be a nice little piece of blog material. Anyway, Matthews is a stud. Cunning, wonderful around the rim and smart about picking his battles in the half court. Five Wes Matthews—of varying heights, of course—would make a fantastic team. I’d take it against a team of Carmelo Anthonys, actually.

2:40
Some vintage Vince there with the reverse dunk. Orlando is down seven—it must be all the red—but if Vince or Rashard Lewis can step up and get involved, you might see that deficit shrink a bit.

2:09
Dwight Howard picks up his sixth rebound…but you see what I’m saying, right? His SIXTH rebound. He’ll get that to 10, guaranteed.

1:22
Presented without comment.

Laurie Anderson - O Superman from hype on Vimeo.

0.0
A bit of nice defense from Joel Przybilla.

OH SHIT, IT’S RECYCLE BIN RACES TIME! GIMME A MINUTE! RECYCLING AND RACING, THE TWO THINGS I LOVE THE MOST, FINALLY BROUGHT TOGETHER! (Waitaminute, they shoot BASKETBALLS from the recycle bins? DROOL! Can we just do this for the fourth quarter, please? I think everyone would prefer that to this crummy basketball game.)

FOURTH QUARTER
Can someone transcribe that Nate interview for me?

Also, why id Dwight Howard decide to put Rudy Fernandez in a headlock and not let him out of it? That was kinda scary, man. And I have no clue why it wasn’t a technical. Really confusing to me. If you run into someone on the court, you get suspended a whole game. If you put someone in a headlock and drag them around awhile, you just get a regular foul? Can we bring in some U.N. Inspectors and check this out?

10:04
The worst remix of “We Will Rock You” in the history of mankind. If my girlfriend were here, she’d literally be barfing all over the people in front of her. Because she’s really sick in the hospital.

No, not really. She just really likes Queen.

9:35
Okay, three goggles is played out. It just became uncool right now. You gotta stop doing it, Rudy. This is Portland. We can’t have our favorite Spaniard doing outdated stuff on the court. It’s time for Three telescope. I’ll demonstrate it for you later.

8:49
Rudy, these off-balance jumpers look awesome until they bounce off the rim. Can we find you some more threes? You have goggles for those. You don’t have any goggles for off-balance jumpers. Maybe that’s the problem.

Blazers up 11, but when the Magic start dropping threes it’s going to be a bad, bad scene. Meanwhile, they’re gonna have to claw their way to the free-throw line by flopping beneath the basket.

7:22
Wes Matthews checks in for Rudy Fernandez, and it’s always bittersweet when that happens. Wes is always on high, but Rudy Fernandez is like dysfunctionally hot when he gets it going. He’s like one of the appliances in that movie where all the appliances come to life.

Magic showing some real frustration here, throwing elbows and such. Blazers doing a nice job of not overreacting to the pressure.

6:25
Dwight Howard is racking up crazy minutes. He doesn’t look tired, though. Granted, his shots at the hoop aren’t going in, but that happens anyway when you’re being clobbered by the Vanilla Gorilla. Dwight at the line…makes his first. He’s real hot tonight for Dwight, man. Makes the second, so he’s 12 of 16, I believe. Gorsh!

Where would the Blazers be without Dre?

4:35
Dre falls to the floor, somehow recovers the ball with the tips of his fingers and has the smarts to call a timeout. It’ 86-73 with 4:32 left. If the Blazers have one last run in them, this could qualify as a blowout. And how does that change the way you see the team? Can you still call them “the struggling Blazers” if they come up with three wins in a row? Will talk of firing Nate and trading LaMarcus persist? Or is this enough to change peoples’ concept of this team? Miller scores again and the question remains…

3:02
Dwight and LaMarcus jump ball. Stack those two on top of eachother and you’d have one very tall circus freak.

2:36
Andre Miller fouled again on his way to the hoop. The Magic have one timeout left, they are down 13, and Van Gundy refuses to get his bench into the game. In fact, he’s subbing in Jameer Nelson for the struggling Vince Carter. Putting a starter in this late isn’t exactly a concession. But TNT shows Van Gundy’s face and you can see that it’s over. His mustache is sagging at the edges.

1:20
A Jameer Nelson three and a Dwight Howard put-back dunk makes it a 10-point lead, which means that Van Gundy probably IS screaming on the bench right now. You’d think I could hear him. I’d like to just once sit close enough to hear Van Gundy screaming. Oh, Stan.

40.9
This has been the longest 40 seconds of my life. LET’S GO HO-OME! LET’S GO HO-OME! LET’S GO HO-OME!

GAME OVER-ISH
I’ll admit, this is not what I expected to happen tonight. Sometimes you get a fun surprise. Goodnight!