1. seen a show in which puppets play a more prominent role than humans.
  1. overheard someone at the ballet bemoan the absence of an orchestra.
  1. worn a beret to the Portland International Film Festival.
  1. watched well-heeled members of the audience walk out during an abstract White Bird dance show.
  1. consumed spiked punch from the converted toilet bowl at Rocksbox.
  1. stayed stubbornly seated during an undeserved standing ovation.
  1. reluctantly stood up during an undeserved standing ovation.
  1. realized you’ve seen WillaKenzie Estate co-owner Ronni LaCroute more often than you have any member of your own family.
  1. had your portrait painted by Gwenn Seemel.
  1. seen a live stage adaptation of a bad ’80s movie.
  1. gotten too drunk to understand what anybody was saying by the last reading at LitHop.
  1. wondered whether a butoh performer was still awake.
  1. slid into your seat at the Schnitz for a symphony show after coming straight from Mount Hood—and realized that half the people in your row are also wearing some combination of zipoff pants and hiking boots.
  1. heard a comedian tell jokes about how white the audience is.
  1. mistakenly said “Storm Large” when you meant “Storm Tharp.”
  1. seen actors at Action/Adventure stop and wait, mid-performance, for a rumbling train to pass.
  1. felt superior to the guy who clapped between movements at the symphony, even though you stopped your hands mere inches apart.
  1. knocked over a full bottle of free BridgePort at Portland Playhouse.
  1. run into Mark Woolley at the Wonder Ballroom, Holocene, Lola’s Room and Robo Taco all in the same night.
  1. spent an hour trying to get out of the parking garage next to the Keller.
  1. rolled your eyes during a Loggernaut reading when someone reverently tells you the author “got into Iowa.”
  1. tipped Baby LeStrange for her Tina Belcher stocking peel.
  1. been glared at after slipping the box office $5 on a “pay what you will” Thursday.
  1. tried to spot Oregon Ballet Theatre dancer Michael Linsmeier’s tattoos.
  1. clapped as loud as you could when you heard, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Jimmy Mak’s!”—even though you knew he was just going to say it again anyway.
  1. heard someone tell a story in the beer garden at the Time-Based Art festival, and realized you’d already seen them tell it onstage at Back Fence.
  1. gone to an anus-themed painting and drawing show at Cock Gallery.
  1. shopped for a pair of red shoes just like the ones worn by White Bird co-founder Paul King.
  1. promised to go see a friend’s friend’s documentary and then gotten “super, super sick.”