Whenever conversation turns to Oregon film, it invariably goes in two directions: either to Gus Van Sant or The Goonies. Just flip through this very newspaper.

Hell, this weekend, Astoria has a goddamned holiday celebrating The Goonies, which is a great and all, but sort of makes you feel bad for other Oregon films that have made their mark on the state. And not just Astorian flicks like Short Circuit, Kindergarten Cop and the incomparable Free Willy 2

Take, for example, Stand by Me (Academy Theater, June 5-11). Shot in Cottage Grove, it plays out like a more self-serious version of The Goonies, complete with profane young kids, a quest that involves dead bodies, and even the requisite fat kid/Corey Feldman quotient.

So where's Stand by Me Day? Why don't the people of Cottage Grove dedicate a weekend to pie-eating contests and a USPS-sanctioned mailbox baseball tourney? It got me to thinking of all the missed opportunities for Oregon holidays

based on the state's greatest cinematic forays.

Cannon Beach's Point Break-down

It's easy to forget that Ecola State Park doubled as Australia in the greatest movie ever made, but the sands still whisper Swayze on certain nights. To celebrate, Hemlock Street businesses could participate in a meatball cook-off while the little rubber people who don't shave yet compete in a surf contest at the site of the 50-year storm.

The Gorge's Cormac McCarthy Daze

Relive the feel-good spirit of The Road with a waterfall tour that includes shopping-cart races and awkward punctuation and staring off listlessly into the distance while not eating and being generally miserable while speaking in run-on sentences.

Eugene's Animal House Celebration

Once a year, non-students are invited to randomly walk or ride horses into fraternities and throw food at strangers. Actually, this just kind of sounds like Friday.

Medford's My Name Is Bruce Cleansing

Every year, the citizens of Medford descend on local Best Buys to purchase and burn every copy of Bruce Campbell's directorial debut. Groovy.

Cuckoo's Nesting Day at Depoe Bay

Celebrate Milos Forman's classic One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with discount boat chartering and a communitywide medication swap!

Also Showing:

  • Pix pairs Casablanca with a cocktail called the French 75, which we’re assuming is probably the age when Elsa realized Laszlo was a better catch than Rick. Pix Patisserie. Dusk Wednesday, June 3.
  • Nearly a century later, the proto-zombie German horror flick The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari remains the stuff of nightmares, modernist or otherwise. Joy Cinema. 9:15 pm Wednesday, June 3.
  • In Planet of the Apes—the original, not the Marky Mark or Andy Serkis versions—Charlton Heston proved that makeup can convince you a man is an ape, but nothing can convince you Heston is a master thespian. Laurelhurst Theater. June 5-11.
  • OK, kids, here’s a freebie for a future ACT: Penelope Cruz is to Pedro Almodóvar as Grace Kelly is to Alfred Hitchcock. Here’s another: All About My Mother is to Almodóvar as The Birds is to Hitchcock. Which is to say, All About My Mother is good. But kind of overrated. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 3 pm Sunday, June 5-7.
  • While it’s true that Goldfinger is the best Bond movie, it’s also marred by a really uncomfortable “seduction” scene. Connery’s still the greatest Bond, but at least the other 007s just let their romantic counterparts die instead of sexually assaulting them.Clackamas. 2 pm Sunday, June 7.
  • Kung Fu Theatre presents Eastern Condors, a hectic martial arts movie harking back to a time when Sammo Hung was a total badass, and not Don Johnson’s sidekick.Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, June 9.