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The Prophecy (Hollywood Theatre. 9:30 pm Friday, Dec. 18) is a film steeped in weird; That'll happen when you cast Christopher Walken as your lead, an evil take on the Archangel Gabriel, who comes to earth in an effort to win a heavenly civil war and destroy the use of normal speech patterns.
During the course of the self-serious 1995 film—a legend for anyone who perused VHS racks in the 90s—he perches on gravestones like a crow, gouges eyes, rages against the almighty, shit-talks Satan and, from time to time sports jet-black eyes—just in case Christopher Walken alone wasn't creepy enough.
It's a strange, wonderful role in a career that's seen Walken play everything from a Russian roulette-addicted veteran to a precognizant soothsayer, Batman and Bond villains, an LSD-riddled hitman, and more mob bosses than De Niro, Pacino and Gandolfini combined.
The Prophecy is peak Walken, but it's also a role you'd expect. It's not the weirdest place he's shown up. Not by a long shot. The below roles feature Walken where you'd least expect him. Are they his best films? Hell no. But they prove that even the most dire films can benefit from a weird Walken turn.
Pennies from Heaven (1981)
When Walken appeared in Fatboy Slim's video for Weapon of Choice, audiences were jarred by the man's dance moves. When audiences beheld the actor in the Steve Martin musical Pennies from Heaven–performing an elaborate and downright delightful striptease in heart boxers–it must have been even more surprising. Walken, up to that point, hadn't become a caricature of himself. He was an actor steeped in tragic roles in Deer Hunter and Heaven's Gate, a dramatic heavyweight of endless range. Then he revealed himself as a hugely talented song and dance man and goof. The world would never be the same.
Wayne's World 2 (1992)
Long before his cowbell-loving ways practically saved SNL for a decade and slummed it in Jersey Boys, Walken tried on the sleazy record producer hat in Wayne's World 2. And while the role is fairly standard in terms of rich, handsome villain roles, the decision to let Walken take the part—seducing Tia Carrere, speaking perfect (fragmented) Cantonese, sparring with Mike Myers and, of course, dancing—was the most inspired thing in the recycled sequel. The role called for a subtle sliminess. Walken came in dripping.
Mousehunt (1997)
Before he was the dude behind the increasingly dull Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Gore Verbinski was a visionary director whose keen knack for turning live-action sets into cacophonous cartoons was matched only by fellow auteur-turned-hack (and Walken collaborator) Tim Burton. Here, he casts Walken as a largely wordless, steampunk-outfitted exterminator who goes Wile E. Coyote on a smart mouse in a mansion, proving that Walken doesn't need to say much to drench an already oddball film with his charismatic brand of eccentric brilliance.
The Country Bears (2002)
What, exactly, possessed Disney to make a film out of the Country Bears Jamboree ride (this was, after all, pre Pirates of the Caribbean) is incomprehensible, but it happened, and was chock full of extremely terrifying anthropomorphic bears that sang horrible country music. The bears themselves are the stuff of nightmares, but none of them hold a flame to Walken, here playing a tic-driven evil banker. He actually blends in with the bears, seemingly made of rusty spare robot parts. It's as incredible as it is unbearable (ugh, sorry), as if somebody dosed you with acid at the Magic Kingdom, then hired Walken to pop in every time you started to mellow out.
Balls of Fury (2007)
There are a ton of really befuddling decisions made in this rancid ping-pong parody, starting with the stupid name. But the fact that Walken here plays a Chinese mobster decked out in a silken robe and a hairdo straight out of The Phantom Menace—and actually kinda pulls it off—makes it worth at least a hate-watch, if only to see how far Walken's bizarro charm can carry a turd.
Indoor Gardening Tips from a Man Who's Very Scared of Plants (2008)
Walken is, hands down, one of the greatest—and most unlikely—hosts in SNL history, a game performer who is willing to lampoon his persona with the best of them. And while his rapey The Continental is his most famous creation, he's at his absolute weirdest as an indoor gardener whose main tips for horticulture involve gluing googly eyes to plants, mainly because he doesn't trust them. "The eyes are the window to the face," he exclaims. Whatever's going on inside Walken's face here, or anywhere, for that matter, is pure, demented gold.
Also Showing:
Weird Wednesday continues a spectacular run of Italian garbage cinema with the blood-splattered 1971 classic The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave. Joy Cinema. 9:15 pm Wednesday, Dec 16.
Church of Film's Winter Tales series goes Grimm with The Feather Fairy, the story of the immortal child raised by Mother Winter who goes all Little Mermaid and renounces his fantastical life to become a boring human again. Clinton Street Theater. 9:15 pm Wednesday, Dec. 16.
Most of us don't know that The Rocky Horror Picture Show actually got a quasi-sequel in the form of the campy 1981 follow-up Shock Treatment. Whether it's a good thing that you didn't know this is exactly what this month's Queer Horror screening seeks to discover. Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Thursday, Dec. 17.
There's a lot of debate about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie, or if it's a movie that happens to take place at Christmas. I vote Christmas, mainly because it's a story that closely resembles It's a Wonderful Life—man sees a vision of his life without family, learns how shitty life would be (for them, not the terrorists) without him and finds redemption through violence/a guardian angel—except the Mr. Potter character gets shot and dropped off a large building. Kennedy School. Wednesday-Thursday, Dec. 16-17; Mission Theater. Sunday-Monday, Dec. 20-21.
There have been a lot of Christmas-themed movies released this century, but Elf might be the best, simply because it's the rare modern holiday film without an ounce of cynicism in its heart. And also because of the stop-motion homage. Laurelhurst Theater. Friday-Thursday, Dec. 18-23.
At 15, Home Alone has officially made it a decade and a half without being blamed for the accidental manslaughter of any burglars. It's a Christmas miracle! Even cooler, the Oregon Symphony is screening the film along with a live performance of the iconic John Williams score, which is the most enduring thing about the film. Aside from the scars endured by Harry and Marv. Academy Theater. Friday-Thursday, Dec. 18-23; Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. 7 pm Saturday- Dec. 19.
The audience has spoken, and the next crowd-sourced screening at the theater—which will screen anything the customers wish, granted it gets enough votes—is this year's 597th, and final, showing of Princess Bride. Inconceivable! Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Friday, Dec. 18.
Every year, somebody tries to convince me that It's A Wonderful Life isn't a horrible, depressing slog. They tend to leave me alone when they hear me whispering "jump" when I watch it. Hollywood Theatre. Friday-Wednesday, Dec. 18-23.
In this column, I've been cynical about Christmas movies, generally. Really, they can be delightful. And you don't get more old-fashioned, Cosby-sweater fuzzy than the Danny Kaye/Bing Crosby classic White Christmas. Kiggins Theater. Friday-Thursday, Dec. 18-23.
The Griswold clan concludes its winter residency at Portland theaters with one more run of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Mission Theater. Wednesday-Thursday, Dec. 14-17; Kennedy School. Friday-Thursday, Dec. 18-24.
Animated Christmas returns for a multi-generational showcase of old-school animated shorts, from Mickey Mouse to, um, Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey. Hollywood Theatre. 2 pm Saturday, Dec. 19.
Before showcasing Chris Hemsworth punching whales via In the Heart of the Sea, Ron Howard punched your sense of nostalgia in the face with How the Grinch Stole Christmas, a film guaranteed to make your heart shrink three sizes. Hollywood Theatre. 4:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 19-20.
Never mind Krampus. Goofy Christmastime horror will never top the sleazy greatness of 1984 slasher legend Silent Night, Deadly Night. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 19.
The message of the Arnold Schwarzenegger non-classic Jingle All the Way—that you should resort to extreme measures to get your spoiled kid exactly what he wants for Christmas—might be a little flawed, but at least it's kinda fun to see Arnold dressed up as an action figure that isn't Mr. Freeze. Mission Theater. Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 19-20.
Film historian Dennis Nyback takes over the Hollywood for a series of old-school Christmas specials, including Howdy Doody's Christmas special and Gumby's take on the yuletide. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Monday, Dec. 21.
The Ali MacGraw/Ryan O'Neal classic melodrama Love Story returns to screens courtesy of Death Café, a series in which films are followed by discussions about death and dying. So, um, spoiler alert? I'm not going to apologize, but it's because I love you. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Tuesday, Dec. 22.
Willamette Week