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Zoolander 2 is an incredibly stupid movie. To be fair, Zoolander was also an incredibly stupid movie. But the sequel falters, as so many sequels do, by trying to be little more than a repackaging of the original with a somewhat different story and way more celebrity cameos.
Zoolander was an unexpected hit, and one of the most quotable comedies of the new 2000s. Zoolander 2 seems content to squeeze every last ounce of humor out of jokes, gags and lines that people have been repeating for 15 years. It's the kind of sequel that makes you wonder if you still like the first one.
The movie opens with Justin Bieber being chased through the streets of Rome by shadowy figures on motorcycles. He gets shot for an eyeroll-worthy length of time before collapsing… and taking a selfie… and choosing which Instagram filter… and uploading it. Then a cavalcade of celebrity newsreaders catchus us up on the lives of Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) in the 15 years since they stopped Mugatu.
This is a theme repeated throughout: an already dated joke surrounded by a glut of celebrities.
The rest of the story hits on the same notes as the original, with an additional Chosen One storyline added in. Occasionally, there are inspired moments—the mid-90s Aqua Vitae commercial or John Malkovich arguing for epaulets on jackets in fashion prison—but they are offset by a feeling of deja vu. The models are dumb. Fashion is pretentious and also dumb. There's a secret, international fashion police force. Mugatu wants to kill Zoolander and Hansel, and shake up the fashion industry. Zoolander gets into a terrible accident while cruising with some gelatto and listening to Wham!
The trouble is that Zoolander already exists, and Zoolander 2 is entirely too aware of that. Where Billy Zane was once a funny little cameo, he is now an old friend. Most of Derek's dialogue tries to one-up the stupidity of his original "but why male models?" line. But 2 forgets why that line was funny ni the first place: It worked because David Duchovny's "You serious? I just told you that a moment ago" was an honest reaction to Stiller forgetting his line.
Zoolander 2 is 100 minutes of a movie trying to be dumber than a brain fart.
Critic's Grade: D
See it: Zoolander 2 is rated PG-13. It opens Friday, Feb. 12.
Willamette Week