Batman and Superman are fighting, and it's hard to choose a side.

The new Warner Bros. Superman is classically boring, overpowered and out of place in the 21st Century. Batman, on the other hand, has been reinvented as a huge dickhead. Played by Ben Affleck with a characteristic lack of gravitas, Batman walks around in a silly metal suit killing people. You know how Batman never kills people? He does now. Even when he doesn't have to. He even assigns himself the task of killing Superman because, you know, "he might be bad later."

With nobody to root for, BvS:DoJ is just an unconscionably long slugfest simultaneously attempting too much and accomplishing almost nothing. Despite the rare bright spots—like Jesse Eisenberg's intriguing outlandish Lex Luthor and Amy Adams as a strong international war reporter version of Lois Lane—I left feeling bored and slightly concussed from giant men punching each other into buildings for no reason.

Critic's Grade: D