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Willamette Week's Funniest Five Standup Showcase
Whether you like comedians who work the crowd or jokes that tackle taboos head on, this year's Funniest Five Standup Showcase has a little bit of everything. The top five new comics in Portland, who were chosen by more than 100 of their peers, take the stage to demonstrate why they're the best of the best right now. See them while you can, because most honorees end up in L.A.. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., revolutionhall.com. 7 pm Wednesday, Nov. 28. $15. 21+.
Holiday Ale Festival
Christmas comes early for beer lovers every year. You'll find more than 50 bold winter brews here, from hard-to-find vintages to brand-new concoctions created specifically for this event. Heated tents will protect you from the elements at Pioneer Courthouse Square, and their clear tops provide the best views of the decorated tree in the city's living room. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., holidayale.com. 11 am-9:30 pm Wednesday-Sunday, Nov. 28-Dec. 2. $40 advance general admission includes glass and 15 beer tickets, $100 VIP entry includes glass and 30 beer tickets.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Charismatic astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson comes to Portland for two nights to explain the secrets of the universe—and probably ruin a few of your favorite movies by pointing out their scientific inaccuracies—in his smooth, honey-toned voice. Wednesday's show is titled "Adventures in Science and Literacy" while Thursday is all about "The Cosmic Perspective." Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 7:30 pm Wednesday and Thursday, Nov. 28 and 29. $45-$250.
Die Hard: The Parody Musical
Sorry, haters, but Die Hard is a Christmas movie—and for the second year in a row, it's getting The Nutcracker treatment. Relive the night Bruce Willis single-handedly owned a bunch of terrorists at a company Christmas party through the magic of song and dance! Say yippee-ki-yay to your new holiday tradition. Funhouse Lounge 2432 SE 11th Ave., funhouselounge.com. 7 pm Thursday-Saturday, 2 and 7 pm Sunday, Nov. 23-Dec. 29. $20-$25.
Pinball Prom
At this prom, the crepe paper streamers and fancy dress remain, but all the high school drama has been replaced with pinball. You'll need a partner for the Split Flipper Tournament & Fundraiser, so get your promposal ready. There won't be any prom king and queen coronations, but there will be prizes for the tournament winners and the best-dressed couple. Proceeds benefit Trans Lifeline. C-Bar, 2880 SE Gladstone St., cbarportland.com. 7:30 pm Friday, Nov. 30. $10 a couple.
Uniform and the Body
A year after touring together, New York's Uniform and Portland's the Body teamed up to release a brutal joint album together. This year's Mental Wounds Not Healing is lacerating, industrial and a heavy good time—an album full of Swans-meets-Nine Inch Nails hellfire best experienced live. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., mississippistudios.com. 8 pm Friday, Nov. 30. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.
Baerlic's WoodWorker Holiday Market
This Baerlic Brewing event celebrates all things inspired, made and evolved from one of nature's most honest building materials—wood. There will be furniture, jewelry, food and booze all handcrafted by Portland-area artisans. The inspiration comes from Baerlic's Old Blood & Guts Barleywine, which is stowed in bourbon barrels. Ron Swanson would most definitely approve. Baerlic Brewing, 2235 SE 11th Ave., woodworkermarketpdx.com. 11 am Saturday, Dec. 1. Free.
A John Waters Christmas
The Pope of Trash is coming to town to spread his version of holiday cheer. Expect yuletide profanity and perverted piety in the legendary cult film director's critically acclaimed one-man show, in which he complains that gift cards are the rudest things you can get people for Christmas and describes how live nativity scenes are a scarier type of haunted house. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., aladdin-theater.com. 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 1. $37-$115.
The Dandy Warhols Christmas
The Dandy Warhols' December shows are less Christmas parties than career-spanning retrospectives covering the Portland psych-rockers' discography—including, of course, their tripped-out rendition of "Little Drummer Boy." This year, their semi-holiday show is also honoring World AIDS Day by donating a portion of ticket sales to the Sexual and Gender Minority Youth Research Center. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., crystalballroompdx.com. 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 1. $20. All ages.
Neko Case
Sure, Neko Case tours all the time, but the indie-rock veteran hasn't hit the road behind new material in five years. Last spring's Hell On is the starkest, spookiest work of the New Pornographers vocalist's multidecade career. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., roselandpdx.com. 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 1. Sold out. All ages.
Sumo + Sake
At this one-night-only event, learn the history and culture behind the 1,500-year-old Japanese sport while pounding sake bombs. The main event includes live sumo wrestling by three champions, whose combined weight totals 1,500 pounds. Then stick around for a Q&A and meet-and-greet with the wrestlers. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., portland.heliumcomedy.com. 3:45 and 7 pm Sunday, Dec. 2. $45-$250. 21+.