Minus the Bear
When four Seattle hardcore veterans founded Minus the Bear in 2001, they never expected the project to evolve beyond a well-intentioned joke. But the band ascended to a plane of popularity way beyond the emo scene that birthed them, and albums like 2004's Menos el Oso and 2007's Planet of Ice became instant additions to the pantheon of indie rock. Now the band has claimed this tour will be their last, and have promised a set list of deep cuts and rarities. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., roselandpdx.com. 8 pm Thursday, Dec. 13. Sold out. All ages.
Holiday Bazaar 2018
Paid taste-testers have been putting their palates to work all year long at the Oregon State University Food Innovation Center, a joint venture between the university and the Oregon Department of Agriculture that helps turn culinary ideas into commercial products. This annual bazaar is the result of some of those efforts. Graduates of the Getting Your Recipe to Market class will offer samples of their new products, along with alumni and other small entrepreneurs. Oregon State University Food Innovation Center, 1207 NW Naito Parkway, fic.oregonstate.edu. 5 pm Thursday, Dec. 13. Free.
Portland Night Market
As soon as the sun goes down at a ripe 4 pm, the lights in the Custom Blocks will turn on for the last Night Market of the year. With over 175 of Portland's best vendors, it's a perfect opportunity to eat, drink and get some locally sourced holiday shopping done. The Custom Blocks, 900 SE Main St., pdxnm.com. 6-9 pm Thursday, 4-11 pm Friday-Saturday, 11 am-4 pm Sunday, Dec. 13-16. Free. All ages.
Santa Orgy + Sex Toy Drive
Sure, you could celebrate the holidays with eggnog, family photos and matching sweaters, or you could celebrate with all-out indulgence. Hosted by DJ Buckmaster, who's behind several of Portland most uninhibited dance parties, the holiday edition of fetish party Orgy will include photos with S&M Santa, and performances by drag artists and voguers. Admission is $10 for anyone dressed up and half price for anyone who donates to Orgy's sex-toy drive for the homeless, since it's unlikely anyone else is addressing that. Sanctuary Club, 33 NW 9th Ave., pdxsanctuary.com. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 14; performances after midnight. $20, $30 after 10 pm. 21+.
You may know Jenny Slate as one-half of TV's best brother-and-sister duo, Mona-Lisa Saperstein from Parks and Recreation, or perhaps recognize her as the voice of Marcel, the anthropomorphic seashell with one eye and a pair of shoes. Slate's more recent work includes a role in the Marvel movie Venom, but she's also a talented comedian. At this sold-out show, she'll address the troubled state of our union, feminism and—probably—fart jokes. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., portland.heliumcomedy.com. 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 14-15. Sold out. 21+.
Nightmare Before Christmas in Concert
Tim Burton's fantastical tale that intertwines the magic of Halloween and Christmas is a holiday classic acceptable to watch from October through December. This screening will be accompanied by the Oregon Symphony performing a live score of the film. Costumes are encouraged, from skeletons to Santa, or combine both and go as good ol' Sandy Claws. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 15-16. $35+.
Unipiper Holiday Pop-up and Photo Op
Everyone's favorite bagpipe-playing unicycler has been keeping Portland weird for years, but once a year, you can sit down for a photo with the local celebrity and stock up on some Unipiper merch to send to your faraway family for the ultimate Portland gift. 803 SW Morrison St., unipiper.com. Noon Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 15-16. Free. All ages.
Frankie Simone's Holigay Spectacular
It's hard to think of a Portland musician who's better suited than Frankie Simone to host a holiday blowout—her club pop anthems are unabashedly feel-good. And since her wife Che Che Luna dances backup, Simone's concerts are family affairs year round. Simone will headline a lineup that includes Luna, R&B singer Blossom and an inevitable performance of Simone's virtuosic take on "The Christmas Song," which she just released as a single. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., mississippistudios.com. 9 pm Saturday, Dec. 15. $15 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.
Three years after it first premiered, Christopher Corbell's one-act opera about Portland stripper Viva Las Vegas has developed a cult following. Viva's Holiday is a touching retelling of the first Christmas Las Vegas spent with her disapproving religious parents after she began her career. This unstaged concert performance doubles as the release show for the opera's album recording, and will include a set from Las Vegas' French medieval vocal trio, Bergerette. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 15. $30. All ages.
VHS Vengeance: Man's Best Friend
If you've always suspected you could make B-movies tolerable by bagging on them with Tom Servo and Crow, this is your chance to put your skills on display. VHS Vengeance is a comedy show where the hosts aren't the only ones riffing on cinematic shlock; the audience gets to join in as well. Your target: Man's Best Friend, in which a post-Breakfast Club Ally Sheedy rescues a genetically mutated dog from a mad scientist. Once freed from the lab, the animal quickly embarks on a killing spree. Kelly's Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., kellysolympian.com. 8 pm Sunday, Dec. 16. $5. 21+.
The origins of eggnog are a bit murky, but it probably began with posset in the 12th century—a thick ale that was really more of a meal to prevent people from starving. Fortunately, we have better means of sustenance today and can drink eggnog just to enjoy the buzz. At the Nog-Off, you can taste holiday concoctions from some of the city's best bartenders as they compete for the Gold Egg trophy. Wanna get weird? Try Pono Brewing's nog-spiced IPA, NOGatomi Tower. Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker! Jupiter Next, 900 E Burnside St., e.sparxo.com/eggnog. 3 pm Sunday, Dec. 16. $30 advance, $40 at the door.