It's the week before Christmas, and in offices across the world, people are unwrapping hastily purchased $20 tchotchkes from their co-workers that will almost certainly wind up in a box on the next Goodwill run. But what if we actually had the inclination to get them the present they might truly want?

So we asked WW's style writers—and a few designers and shop owners—what apparel they would buy random prominent Portlanders if assigned them at a citywide, Secret Santa-style gift-giving. And money was no object.

Storm Large

Illustration of Storm Large by Karen Inthinavong.
Illustration of Storm Large by Karen Inthinavong.

"Storm Large's surprisingly simple style only touches tinges of the rock star-turned-symphony diva persona she brings to national stages. A quick study of Large's Instagram reveals black, white and red cocktail stage dresses, and athleisure paired with rock staples like leather jackets. She appears to prefer a bold color and a body-hugging silhouette over patterns and embellishments—her glasses and jewelry follow this idea. The Lizzie Skirt pairs well with stage tops and cozy coats, and its spotted detailing isn't too busy for Large. Its construction reminds me of a shabby-chic neo-burlesque skirt. Large could pair this with a sheer top and a harness—you might be sick to death of RTW harnesses, but have you seen one at the symphony?" ANDREW JANKOWSKI.

Poison Waters

"Poison Waters is many things: sassy, sexy and, above all else, a diva. And every diva needs fabulous nails. So I'd grab her some Claws Out nail polish—specifically, the gray Darcelle brand, named after Portland's other big drag star—so she can keep her talons sparkly and ready for her next performance. I'd also buy her some tickets to a Broadway musical at the Keller. Maybe a little trip to The King & I. I know Poison hates to share the stage with anyone, but I also know she's gonna appreciate all the costumes and big, gay sing-alongs. Sounds like a perfect evening!" EMMA MCILROY, WILDFANG CEO.

Chloe Eudaly

"I'd choose this Fiona button-front dress in an olive herbal print from Amelia. For a perfect pairing, she would next unwrap this black Ellison collarless jacket from Adorn. As Portland's eighth woman to be elected to the Portland City Council and a book-publishing aficionado, she is perfectly suited for this look, which is smart, comfortable, and charming all the same." JYSSICA YELAS.

JoAnn Hardesty

"Every woman needs a power suit, and the print combined with the tailored fit will bring her a lot of attention. JoAnn has demonstrated she's not afraid of bright colors nor prints, and the quirky sketches will still show she's serious but approachable." SARAH DONOFRIO.

The Unipiper

Portland Fire Jersey

"What to get a longtime PDX resident who has everything, including fire-spewing bagpipes? Well, it's gotta be something Portland, it's gotta be something that's been around for a while, and it's gotta have flames. Portland's now-defunct WNBA team checks all three of those boxes, so a vintage Portland Fire jersey seems like the obvious choice." IRA LAFONTAINE, TRILLBLAZIN CO-FOUNDER AND OWNER OF UNSPOKEN.

Ted Wheeler

Illustration: Karen Inthinavong
Illustration: Karen Inthinavong

"Ted Wheeler's  techy good-boy routine has run its course with the people of Portland. It's time he brings a little edge to his look. Fashion designer Matthew M. Williams' Alyx label has been ruling the runway with takes on menswear inspired in part by military and law enforcement tactical gear. Next time one of Portland's cops shoots a protester in the nuts point blank with a tear gas canister, our mayor can blame the person while dressed like replicant." WALKER MACMURDO.