The improbably old Holman's—83 years and counting—was founded by the first family of Portland funerals, their services still in operation on Hawthorne Boulevard. One should therefore question their intent when they pour you that stiff-ass drink for too little money, or when they sign you up for a whiskey-club membership that involves sipping your way through countless limited-edition bottles of Macallan or Laphroaig, or rope you in for very early drinks at the city's best and most expansive bloody mary bar on Sunday mornings. And don't get me started about the food—egg, bacon or chicken-fried. Or the food-wheel roulette that'll give you a free meal if you win, which will probably get you hooked on gambling. Holman's is going to kill you one day. And then the founders' family is going to bury you.

Happy hour: 4-7 pm daily, 10 pm-midnight Sunday-Thursday. $1 off wells and drafts, food specials. $1 off whiskey on Wednesdays.

Entertainment: Arcade games, video poker, food roulette, a very nice patio.

15 SE 28th Ave., 503-231-1093, holmanspdx.com. 8 am-2:30 am daily.