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Where should an old white guy like myself buy some righteous weed—once it becomes legal, that is—that avoids any appearance of "hipsterism"?
— Old White Guy from West Linn
I daresay that just being an old white guy from West Linn who says stuff like "righteous weed" should make it pretty clear to everyone at the dispensary that you're not there to try out as the new Minimoog player for Tame Impala.
I get that you don't want to look like you're smoking weed as some kind of anti-establishment, cool-kid pose. But don't sweat it—very soon, smoking weed will be just as uncool as watching Matlock, being active in your homeowners' association, or any of the other old-white-guy things you enjoy.
In all the stoner euphoria about legal weed (on sale tomorrow!), no one seems to have considered what will happen to weed's countercultural cachet now that it's just another product.
When today's adults started smoking pot, illegality was the main selling point. (Weed didn't really get you high until around 1985—ask your parents.) It was something rebellious you could do in solidarity with your fellow teenagers as you chafed under Mom and Dad's imperialist chore wheel.
But now weed has society's stamp of approval. How are you gonna use bong rips to stick it to the man when the a-hole gym teacher who's running your detention is reading High Times magazine?
All I'm saying is take heed, people. Old White Guy from West Linn is coming to your local dispensary in his Lincoln Town Car, with a pocketful of golf tees and a metal detector in his trunk, and he's going to smoke a big, fat doobie, just like you.
Then he's going to drive to Costco and buy the biggest fucking jar of mayonnaise you've ever seen, and then he might go canvass for Donald Trump for a while, because that's what marijuana culture looks like now. Congratulations.
Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com.
Willamette Week
