Creepy clowns are terrorizing the country.
You probably already know this, thanks to the Oregon Creepy Clown Gazette (the media company formerly known as the Oregonian) which has been covering the clown terror like Portland's 2008 "Arctic Blast!"
The OCCG reported clown sightings in Columbus, Ohio; Amsterdam, New York; Redmond, Oregon; Gatesville, Texas; Green Bay, Wisconsin; Largo, Florida; Brentwood, New York; Reading, Pennsylvania, Syracuse, New York; Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania; Fayetteville, Virginia and even Portland.
Obviously this clown business is just some heavy-duty unresolved childhood issues, but even so, hero posses have decided to join together to fight the creepy clowns.
These clown hunts have been reported at Pennsylvania State University, where upon hearing a rumor there were clown sightings, at least 500 students hunted them, chanting "We are Penn State!"
And the frat bros are on board, too. Total Frat Move, which I thought was a satirical website until today, reported that hero frat dudes from Texas Christian University held a clown hostage with golf clubs.
Thank god for the hero frat boys for chasing down weirdos with emotional issues using golf clubs—the torch of white privilege—for making the women feel safe!
Clowns are at tcu but at least all the frat boys are hunting them with golf clubs to keep us safe
— Emilia Zanardi (@EmiliaMiaZ) October 4, 2016
According to the story's author Harrison Lee, who apparently attends Southern Methodist University, the frat guys' behavior was typical.
“When I think of the #1 school that would do this, it’s TCU. At SMU, we’d just tell our butler to take care of it. Bet no one cared that white privilege was responsible for keeping the campus safe last night. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing?”
Who's side will you be on when the creepy clowns come back to Portland?
Will you hunt—or be hunted?
Of course, you could also take notes from the teen in Virginia, who tried to use the clowns to her advantage, by asking a clown on social media to kill her teacher. (She was arrested.)