Instead of serving as the best president this country ever had, Hillary Clinton is visiting Portland next week to give a talk at the Schnitz. It will be a nice talk, given to a crowd of good and decent people united by grief for what this nation might have been had not, as Michael Flynn is reportedly willing to testify, Donald Trump directed him to collude with a hostile foreign power to damage his own country.
But what if it's not too late?
We will not look back. We will not stop thinking about tomorrow. We will open our eyes and look at the day, we will see things in a different way. Yesterday's gone—but I will not be satisfied until Hillary Clinton is president of these United States.
Turns out, our constitution provides a simple seven-step process to making Hillary president in 2018.
Because of gerrymandering and low-information voters, it'll be more difficult than it should be. But with a little help from the judicial system, and the handful of Republicans out there who did not engage in treason, it's doable without any wild Hail Marys involving a change to the Constitution.
- “If” he’s guilty, jail Trump for treason and/or espionage and/or solicitation of Russian prostitutes paid to administer golden showers. If special prosecutor Robert Mueller can present probable cause that Donald J. Trump engaged in treason, he’ll need to be arrested. To avert a Constitutional crisis, the wise move is to spirit him away to Guantanamo Bay for a military trial, along with any members of his immediate family who also face charges. Treason and espionage both offer the possibility of the death penalty: This gives Trump a reason to talk.
- Get Hillary into the House of Representatives. Sadly, this can’t be done with an appointment, as governors do not get to name a replacement for a House member who leaves office mid-term. Instead, Hillary would need to run for the House of Representatives in a gimme race. Hillary’s home in Chappaqua is in New York’s 17th Congressional district, currently represented by Democrat Nita Lowey. Lowey is a loyal Clinton supporter and has been in office for nearly 30 years. She may be willing to step aside—especially as this plan could result in Hillary having plum cabinet assignments and ambassadorships to hand out. (Do you like Paris, Nita? Paris is beautiful, right? How’d you like to spend a few years there, courtesy of Aunt Sam?) If not, perhaps Hillary is willing to move a few miles into the neighboring district of Democratic Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney, a former Bill Clinton staffer, who could also be asked to make a small sacrifice for his country by spending four years in Rome or London.
- Get Trump to roll on Pence. “If” Trump is guilty, Pence was surely involved. I’m someone who went on the record observing Russian collusion early in 2016, when many of my friends and colleagues thought the idea was crazy. I was actually mocked when I pointed out that Bernie memes we now know were literally paid for in rubles were obviously Russian propaganda. When the hostile foreign powers do this type of deal, they get kompromat on everybody—Pence isn’t quite as brazen and stupid as Trump, and therefore it’s unlikely he committed treason via Facebook messenger, but he’s “possibly” gettable. Roll Trump on him by letting him or someone from his family off with life in prison. Get Trump’s testimony in an affidavit and get a sealed indictment of Pence. If the president and vice president are both removed or resign, then the Speaker of the House of Representatives becomes the president.
- Win control of the Senate, for Bernie. This is important because of fucking Bernie—Bernie has to become the President pro tempore of the Senate, and therefore fourth in line of presidential succession, or the whole thing falls apart. “It’s his turn!” the Bros will squeal.
- Elect Hillary Clinton as the Speaker of the House. This, of course, requires winning a majority of the House in an era where sophisticated data modeling is used to draw safe Republican districts. But “if” Trump faces charges of treason, maybe some Republicans could pick country over party? Sure, a good chunk of in Alabama will support a child molester over a Democrat. But in the Atlanta suburbs, where stability is prized, there’s reason to vote the bums out
- Unseal the Pence indictment, fly him to Guantanamo to face justice.
- Inaugurate Hillary Clinton.
GO: Hillary Clinton will speak at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway Dr Portland, on Tuesday December 12 at 7:30 pm. $165-600.