It was only a matter of time before the buzz around CBD reached outlandish proportions—with prices to match.

To be fair, high-quality CBD carefully processed from responsibly cultivated, CBD-rich cannabis plants can be worth every penny. That's the stuff that brings about those miraculous medical anecdotes you keep reading out.

That's not what you'll find here, though.

The stuff on this list represents some of the most hyped, expensive and simply imaginative hemp-derived CBD products available in mainstream stores and online. In most cases, you're better off finding more effective, tested product in a dispensary. But hey, if you've got money to burn and are inclined to experiment, we're not going to stop you. You just might want to be aware of what you're buying first.

Vera Roasting CBD Coffee ($35)

What's the cost of a regular bag of coffee beans? Ten dollars? Maybe $16 for Stumptown? Apparently, this mysterious infusion of 120 mg of CBD into 12 ounces of arabica beans is worth more than double that. With Vera Roasting CBD coffee, founded and made in New Hampshire by Dr. Glen Miller, a chemistry professor, one has to be more interested in the CBD than the coffee itself—which, considering the sheer lack of any description of the type and origins of the CBD content, may not be wise.

Saint Jane Luxury Beauty CBD Serum ($125)

CBD skin care brands are a dime a dozen, and even big brands are feeling increasing pressure to feature hemp-derived CBD products. But this is the most impressive price tag I've seen yet. Claiming 500 mg of CBD, this serum's numbers are a red flag that the rest of the label might be hyperbole as well. The brand states its CBD is derived from organic hemp plants grown in Colorado and Kentucky and processed via CO2 extraction, but that does not prove these hemp plants weren't so paltry it took an acre to get 500 mg.

Dazey Tincture ($120)

Tinctures are the bread and butter of the legal CBD market. Mix a little CBD oil with coconut oil and bam! You have a tincture you can sell for $120 to anyone online. Those are literally the only two ingredients inside a bottle of Dazey, and hundreds of others like it. Now the supposedly full-spectrum CBD in Dazey's tinctures is processed from sun-grown Oregon flower, so there are points for that. But those better be the most thriving, robust hemp plants to produce a quality equal to female flowering cannabis plants to cost $120 for a petite, 15 ml bottle.

Dr. Kerklaan PMS Cream ($65)

Oral CBD is probably more effective for systemic relief of monthly premenstrual symptoms, but this Canadian chiropractor begs to differ. Dr. Kerklaan does demonstrate a strict testing process for the hemp-derived CBD oil processed via ethanol extraction. But there are $65 topicals in dispensaries with stronger doses of CBD, made from more potent cannabis plants containing rich chemistry—and it's still a bit too anecdotal to believe rubbing hemp on your belly will relieve the cramps in your uterus.

Apothecanna Bug & Bite Insect Spray ($28)

Using a blend of food-grade essential oils like eucalyptus, citronella and tea tree to repel insects and hemp-derived CBD as an anti-itch ingredient, this product at least makes sense—growers often use essential oil blends like this for pest management on organic crops. It may not keep every single bug at bay, but it will be 100 percent more pleasant covering your limbs in this fresh-scented, fast-absorbing spray than an oily layer of chemicals.

Mender Deodorant ($15)

The trials of finding a reliable, aluminum-free natural deodorant are fraught with disappointment. I can't personally say whether Mender is the end of that quest, but it's doubtful 10 mg of supposedly full-spectrum, hemp-extracted CBD will be the key to lasting deodorization. [Ed. note—After publication, Mender provided WW with certified testing results confirming the quality of the CBD in their deodorant.] It's possible organic shea butter and coconut oil blended with magnesium and baking soda could have a soothing effect on irritated skin and ingrown underarm hairs. But this is essentially Schmidt's plus CBD.

ReGenPCR CBD Protein Powder $80

Hemp-derived CBD and sports supplements—two of the greatest unregulated snake oils of our time, together at last! The usual claims of medical effects are anti-inflammatory properties and a "calming" sensation, in this case through a 32-gram dose of hemp-derived CBD oil mixed with whey proteins and stevia for flavor in every scoop. To be fair, this is one of the few products on this list with links to terpene and potency analysis reports for the Colorado-grown flower and oil on the product page. That being said, those reports still don't guarantee this will do more for recovering muscles than a post-workout catnap.

Nannette de Gaspé Bain Noir CBD Infused Bath Soak ($275)

That price is not a typo. Featured in Barney New York's new, curated CBD shop, these bath salts are a shocking example of how much mythical value brands are attributing to those three letters. Even if the artisan behind these luxury soaking salts is handpicking raw flakes of sea salt and drying each flower and herb for the formula, and the CBD is grown and processed by experienced techs in a high-grade facility—which it probably isn't—that's still a lot of money, unless one bath produces an instant age-rewind effect à la Death Becomes Her.

(Nick Stokes)
(Nick Stokes)