If you're drinking: La Croix
Portland Pride Waterfront Festival
This year marks 50 years since the Stonewall riots, so if you haven't worked out that neon onesie yet, now's as good a time as ever to show up and show out at Waterfront Park. One feature to keep an eye out for on Saturday is the Free Mom Hugs Booth. Real moms will be giving real hugs to anybody, whether you're going through a rough life transition or a literal transition. Those with daddy issues need not apply. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 98 SW Naito Parkway. Noon Saturday, 11:30 Sunday, June 15-16. Free.
If you're drinking: A light, sessionable lager
Out in Tech PDX
The wider gay community has plenty of subcultures to answer for—otters, anyone?—but it's a pity "tech bro" is no Grindr tribe. Still, the nonprofit Out in Tech PDX is hosting a gathering for techies that's free if you RSVP. You can expect drinks, snacks and entertainment described only as "graphics." We expect no less. New Relic, 111 SW 5th Ave., outintech.com. 6 pm Wednesday, June 12.
OUTWright Theatre Festival: Bootycandy
This one is less for the partygoer and more for the anthropologist. The OUTWright Theatre Festival, which officially became a thing in 2013, brings queer writings and workshops to the stage. Bootycandy looks at universal queer experiences—such as uncomfortable conversations between gay kids and straight parents—through the lens of Sutter, a gay black man. Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, 5340 N Interstate Ave., fusetheatreensemble.com. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, June 14-30. $15, $10 students and seniors.
If you're drinking: Mimosas
Drag Queen Brunch: Pride Edition
For two days straight—ahem—Night Light Lounge will feature scrambles with a side of drag. This is an official Pride Northwest event, so you can bet some of the proceeds go somewhere decent. Also, this is a rare Pride event just about anybody can join to get a taste of queer culture. Night Light Lounge, 2100 SE Clinton St., nightlightlounge.com 11 am Saturday, 12:30 pm Sunday, June 15-16.
Big Gay Boat Ride VII
For seven years, the Big Gay Boat Ride—held on the Portland Spirit, a worthy attraction any month of the year—has been pleasing hungover partygoers with drag queens, DJs and some hair of the dog. This time around, there will be a special appearance by the truly legendary Darcelle XV, who has been hosting the longest-running drag show on the West Coast. Other notable headliners include Drag Race alums Yuhua Hamasaki and Kelly Mantle. Tom McCall Waterfront Park at the Portland Spirit, 98 SW Naito Parkway. 2 pm Saturday, June 16. $30. 21+.
If you're drinking: Fireball shots
Scandals' Pride Block Party
Scandals, Portland's oldest gay bar, celebrates 40 years in business—meaning it's survived long enough to see Stark Street become Harvey Milk Street—by expanding the scope of its annual three-day block party, teaming up with McMenamins' Crystal Hotel and the Zeus Cafe and adding another block to the celebration. DJs will spin around the clock, including DJ Robb, who will be dropping 1970s-to-2000s tunes in honor of Scandals' birthday. Scandals PDX, 1125 SW Harvey Milk St. 4-9 pm Friday, 2 pm-2 am Saturday, 3 pm-midnight Sunday, June 14-16. $5 donations at the door. 21+.
Club Kai Kai with Raja Gemini
If you watched the FX series Pose, this one's for you. Portland's Patrick Buckmaster is the modern, local equivalent of Andy Warhol, infusing national drag stardom with Champagne-friendly photo shoots at Club Kai Kai. This year's Pride specialty event is hosted by Drag Race Season 3 winner Raja Gemini. The event also happens to fall on Raja's 45th birthday, so expect her to be lit, even if you aren't. Paris Theatre, 6 SW 3rd Ave. 9 pm Friday, June 14. $20. 21+.
If you're having: Several vodka Red Bulls
The Big Gay Afterparty!
End the weekend on a high note—whatever that means to you—at the Saucebox. If you're exiting the Big Gay Boat Ride on the Portland Spirit, the Saucebox is a short walk away and a prime chance to get in some last-minute dance moves with DJ Mary Charming, hostess of Lez Do It. The best part is, if you're broke from cruising this weekend, there's no cover. Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway.
5 pm Saturday, June 16. 21+.
Circuit Breaker Pride Party
Artsy-fartsy queer kids, you have not been forgotten. The Circuit Breaker Pride Party, hosted by visual artist Dee Lyrium, is a sensorial Pride experience of a different sort—it's an interactive art show blended with a sex-positive, fetish-oriented queer dance party. If you're wondering what the crowd is like, imagine a bouncer who must ask for consent simply to check your ID. And if you're pretty much anybody but a straight white male, you can get in for only $5. Bithouse Saloon, 727 SE Grand Ave. 9 pm Saturday, June 15. $10. 21+.
If you're having: An entire bottle of wine to yourself
Make Out Party
Hosted by Nark Magazine, the Make Out party has been hitting big cities nationally for four years, but this is its first foray into PDX. The event is somewhat self-explanatory, but it works with two Pride necessities: tongue and Jell-O shots. You're going to need the liquid courage here—if you ask a stranger for a kiss, you are rewarded with a free shot. Best-case scenario? You get a phone number, or at least an Instagram handle. Worst-case scenario? HSV-1. Century Bar, 930 SE Sandy Blvd. 8 pm Friday, June 14. 21+.
Bearracuda Portland Pride Party
Coming out of hibernation once again, Portland bears—hairy, large, often jolly queer men—take their spring hunt to the Bossanova Ballroom for the biggest bear-themed bash of Pride. Expect laser shows from Laseronics, synthy mashups by local DJ Aaron Altemose, and the occasional lost twink. True to form, shirts are not required. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside St., bearracuda.com. 9 pm Friday, June 14. $10. 21+.
If you're having: a fifth of tequila, Adderall and a fresh Juulpod
Glow Party at CC Slaughters
CC Slaughters fancies itself Portland's premier gay nightclub, and its official Pride Party is the single most important event of the calendar year. What sets CC's party apart from the pack? Go-go dancers easy on the eye, a self-serve bloody mary bar, "party favors" that will make you perform a double take, and a meaty dance floor with a rotating crop of DJs. Full disclosure: this is where you end the night. Slaughters Portland, 219 NW Davis St., ccslaughterspdx.com, 10 pm Saturday, June 15, 21+.
Blow Pony's 12th Annual Queer Mutiny Fest
Of all the Pride club events, Blow Pony would win "Most Likely to Initiate a Hookup" hands down. The music won't stop until 3 am, and the Bossanova will be crawling with many of your Online Hookup Ghosts of Pride Past. The Pride edition of the monthly gay dance party is coming out in full force with performances by Dragula creators the Boulet Brothers and Scarlet Envy of Drag Race Season 11 fame. DJ-wise, Blow Pony is sticking to its strengths with Airick X, and electronic genius with 25-plus years of experience under his belt. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside St., blowpony.com, 9 pm Saturday, June 15. $13. 21+.
Gaylabration Presents: FutureHomo
Coming back for its ninth year, Pride Northwest's Gaylabration is the official Pride club party and also a fundraiser dedicated to LGBTQ political issues. The musical acts this year include DJ Grind and Toy Armada, with additional entertainment from Aerial acrobats who bring a welcome taste of Vegas to a crowd that tends to top 1,000 people. The theme this year is FutureHomo, so bring your hovercraft, or at least swap your American Spirit for a Juul. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., gaylabration.org, 9 pm Saturday, June 15. $20. 21+.