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May your worst problem for the rest of the year be uncertainty around which West Portland gothic cafe to visit.
Downtown Portland technically has three cozily macabre cafes to choose from, while the fourth lies a step off of the Alphabet District’s main drag. They all serve chilled treats—gelato, custard and slushies—but only one serves booze. With spooky season well underway, your friends will likely want to visit these spots, but they can get confusing, as “the downtown goth coffee shop with ice cream” is really not a specific enough description anymore. Scare up some sweets at any of these spots and fill your black heart with the dark arts sold on their retail shelves.
Memento Mori Cafe
The Alphabet District vegan cafe Memento Mori opened last fall. Its signature dish is its muffin-sized, skull-shaped cakes ($6), which are sometimes discounted if the baker feels a batch is too crumbly. A recent apple cider skull was a touch dry, but not overly sweet. Coffee beverages are all there, with extra creepy-kooky concoctions swapped out seasonally. “Death before decaf” is printed prominently on the menu, although off to the side is a smaller stack of words: “Decaf available.” Simple standards include the Corpse cold brew ($5 for 12 ounces or $6 for 16) or its strawberry version, the Saw-Berry ($5.25–$6.25).
The fanciest thing on the basics menu is the Crimson ($5.50–$6.50), a red velvet cold brew with thick foam and cinnamon. A hot take on the Crimson would be a red velvet Vampira ($5.75 for 12 ounces, $6.75 for 16 ounces, or $7.50 for a frozen version). The menu is loaded with other cultural references, like the Eleven ($6–$7, not available frozen) and its maple buttered pancake syrup, a reference to Millie Bobby Brown’s Stranger Things character’s fondness for Eggo waffles. Original art and a few shelves of goth home goods (think year-round Halloween decorations) round out the merchandise offered here. 1533 NW 24th Ave., #100, 971-420-8981, mementomoricafe.com. 9 am–5 pm Monday–Thursday and Saturday, 9 am–5 pm and 6–9 pm Friday, 9–4 pm Sunday.
Black Cat Frozen Custard
Black Cat Frozen Custard is haunted house–themed restaurant/bar Raven’s Manor’s newish off-site ice cream parlor; it opened in late May. Even though temperatures are starting to drop, visitors to Black Cat are still packing in for two reasons. The first and most obvious is the custard, which can be mixed and blended as concretes, sundaes and more with all the standard candies, syrups and sprinkles. You can even take home quarts of “surprise” concretes to go for $13 (concretes are hard-style, super-thick servings of custard that can have toppings mixed in).
The second is ambience. A wall of independent art—this month, paintings of bedsheet ghosts—decorates the side of a grand staircase. On-brand easy chairs and counter space permit hanging out in a lobby decorated with what looks like surplus from the Raven’s Manor props department. Among them is a secret door that leads to what is legally a distinct and separate business that you can’t enter or exit without passing through Black Cat. More on that in a minute, but it’s worth noting that the custard shop and its sister space are both worth trying on their own merits. The mixology of both businesses outshines their parent company’s admittedly crafty gimmicks. 133 SW 2nd Ave., #100, 971-865-2172, blackcatfrozencustard.com. 11 am–11 pm Sunday–Monday and Wednesday–Thursday, 11 am–midnight Friday–Saturday.
Conspirators’ Coffee Lounge
Sure, you can get espresso from Black Cat—and it really is worth it to pop in and stay awhile—but employees know you might only be passing through on your way to Conspirators’ Coffee Lounge. A key is given upon request by a Black Cat employee on hearing the day’s secret password, updated regularly on Instagram. (If you’ve quit social media, you more than likely still have a smartphone that can pull it up through Google.) Employees happily tell you Conspirators’ Coffee Lounge’s online handle (@conspiratorscoffeelounge, linked on the lounge’s website), but they won’t guide you further than that.
Slipping through a secret passage into a parallel business is honestly a fun enough experience, but Conspirators’ Coffee Lounge isn’t there for lookie-loos. Purchase is required, but after that, you can drink in the sights of an ornately decorated, respectfully quiet lounge that somehow really feels like an old mansion’s library or cigar lounge without veering into Disney knockoff territory (right down to an especially jacked-up-looking taxidermied wildcat by the east-facing, two-story arched window; very old money).
Warm cider and matcha, chai and pumpkin spice lattes are available along with a full espresso menu and a short cocktail menu. El Vendetta ($20) is half a whiskey glass of mezcal, rum, accouterments like Black Note amaro, and mole bitters with a fat Revolutionaries Roast rock. Served with a lemon peel garnish, this is definitely a slow sipper. Allow time for the frozen coffee to melt and enhance the smoky flavor profile; otherwise, it will pass a gulp too soon. The liquor offerings add to Portland’s growing speakeasy scene, which includes Voysey, Grandma’s Secret, and Aurora at Loyal Legion’s PDX airport bar. 133 SW 2nd Ave., #100, 971-865-2172, blackcatfrozencustard.com/conspirators-coffee-lounge. 11 am–11 pm Sunday–Monday and Wednesday–Thursday, 11 am–midnight Friday–Saturday.
Sinister Coffee and Creamery
Conspirators’ is certainly the buzzier and more visually immersive of downtown Portland’s goth coffee shops, but give credit where it’s due: Sinister Coffee and Creamery was here first. It started as a mobile business back in 2018, and made the leap to brick-and-mortar in January near Pioneer Place Mall. Along with location, Sinister’s other difference is that it serves gelato, not custard. Memento Mori and the Raven’s Manor estate have Sinister beat on gothic ambience, as it really feels like the latter has taken over a former bookstore and is still settling in aesthetically.
Service is smooth and friendly. The drinks, with a lesser bounty of options than its competitors, are no worse for sticking to a small menu. The gift shop offerings are more abundant for the showroom space, but nothing here feels repetitive. An employee flagged her ritualistic candles and personal sprays made under ceremonial moons, which felt uniquely personal if witch supplies are your thing. The vibes are distinctly chill for the heart of downtown, as though you can really step in from a noisy street and escape without leaving the city. Maybe that’s its magic, or maybe it’s the refreshing Italian soda menu. But just because Sinister Coffee and Creamy isn’t flashy doesn’t mean it’s any lesser than its competitors. It’s just on a different path to darkness. 301 SW Morison St., 503-880-6211, sinistercoffeeandcreamery.com. 10 am–6 pm Thursday–Saturday, 10 am–2 pm Sunday.
