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FRIDAY, OCT. 30
[HAUNTED HOUSES] You've seen the billboards and heard the ads—three massive haunted houses in one. Veteran's Memorial Coliseum, 1401 N Wheeler Ave., 7-11 pm. $22.
[COMEDY] Slasher films improvised by actors dressed as the Scooby Doo gang. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 7 pm. $16. 21+. Through Nov. 7.
[FALL FESTIVAL] Good news: When you get lost in the middle of Kruger’s haunted corn maze, there will be a circus tent with fire dancers, hula-hoopers and backwoods geetar-strummin’. Better news: Kruger’s has harvest beers on tap. Kruger’s Farm, 17100 NW Sauvie Island Road, 621-3489. 6:30 pm. $10, $5 for kids.
[RAAAAVE!] Even scarier than the normal teenage bump-and-grind. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside. 8 pm. $15.
Wyndham Brandon is bored (and more than a little unhinged) when he convinces his friend to help him commit a murder. They strangle their fellow undergraduate and stash his body in a chest. But all that happens before the curtain even rises. Then they host a dinner party and serve a meal to the father of the boy they killed off the box containing his son’s body. If that sounds twisted, it is, and delightfully so. PENELOPE BASS. Bag and Baggage, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 345-9590. 7:30 pm. Through Nov. 1. $25-$30.
[COMEDY] The best bad movies, in the best bad way. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm. $12. 21+.
[SALSA BURN] 3 dance floors, 3 DJs (Antonio, Adrian, Alberton), 3 dance styles (salsa, bachata, kisomba). 1 entire night to look like a fool, and not because you’re dressed like a sandwich. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 10 pm. $15, 21+.
SATURDAY, OCT. 31
[SCANTILY-CLAD] The 16th-annual, three-story tall extravaganza of what the Crystal calls sexy, headlined Pepe & The Bottle Blondes and Soul Vaccination and emceed by Emmy nominee Sasha Scarrlett. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm, $39. 21+.
[SWEAT OUT THE FEAR] Costumes encouraged, but warning: doing burpees and yoga with hand-weights in a 90+ degree room might drench your dinosaur onesie in sweat, so choose your outfit (and your weights) wisely. CorePower Yoga Southeast, 844 SE Morrison St., 233-9642. 10:30 am. $20.
[PLANT SEEDS] Earn your candy—dance Thriller at Columbia Park, then plant garden beds for low-incomes families. Columbia Park, 4348 N Winchell St., 10:30 am. FREE. 21+.
[WAREHOUSE EXTRAVAGANZA] The best part of this party—warehouse full of aerial dancers, stilt walker, LED viseo wall, photo booth, three bars, GoGo Dancers, silent DJ disco battle by the "olympic sized outdoor fire pit" and something called industrial trussing—is going to be the Beastie Boys cover band. The North Warehouse, 723 N Tillamook St., 8 pm. $40. 21+.
[DANCE AND DRINK] Dance with Tupac and Abe Lincoln. Costume contest at 11pm, with prizes for the best PBS-themes costume. Punch Bowl Social at Pioneer Place, 340 SW Morrison St., 334-0360. 9 pm. 21+.
[CLASSICAL CONCERT] If you think classical music costuming is all black tuxes and gowns, new music ensemble FearNoMusic will show you the more flamboyant side of contemporary classical. In this all-ages concert, costumes are encouraged for the audience but required of the performers. Composer Robert Erickson’s 1969 General Speech re-imagines Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s infamous 1962 farewell speech and asks Pink Martini trombonist Robert Taylor to dress in military regalia. One of America’s finest current composers, Michael Daugherty, is also one of its most fun-loving, and his music teems with pop-culture tropes from Superman to UFOs. For his 1996 Sinatra Shag, FNM violinist Inés Voglar Belgique dons Nancy Sinatra’s 1966 garb, presumably including boots made for walkin’. And George Crumb’s 20th-century masterpiece, Voice of the Whale, puts the performers in masks and special lighting that complement its haunting atmosphere. BRETT CAMPBELL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave,. 1:30 pm. $15. 21+.
For the 5th year, the Hawthorne does a Thriller mob, with LA DJ UV and some LED Hula Hooping. Hawthorne Theater, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 9 pm. $10. 21+.
[STAGE FRIGHT] Gemma Whelan (the founder of our favorite local underground Irish theater, not the Game of Thrones star) directs the always-stunning Vana O’Brien in Artist Repertory’s Halloween offering. New York Times columnist John Biguenet’s one-woman thriller follows an Appalachian witch through her very long life of lost loves. The heartbroken witch eventually turns bitch and exacts her long-awaited revenge on everyone who’s wronged her. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm. Other showtimes through Nov. 22. $48.
[BILL MURRAY] This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. So you might as well put on your backpack and tan onesie and get slimed with four XRAY.fm DJs of Dig A Pony notoriety. With cheap Eagle Lodge liquor, by night’s end someone might ask you, “Are you a god?” for real. East Portland Eagle Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-7505. 9 pm. $10.
[WALKING DEAD] Covering Chihuahuas in fake blood and terrorizing Japanese tourists outside Abercrombie & Fitch just never gets old. Or rich—the Walk’s gofundme.com campaign for legit permitting is dead. Turns out zombies aren’t philanthropic, or concerned by city ordinances. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave. 2 pm. Free.
[MCTUFF] Goodfoot’s 14th year of sweaty, rocky basement dancing. The Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark St., 239-9292. 10 pm, $10, 21+.
[CLASSIC FILM] What it is: Possibly the most notorious (and maybe best?) horror film of all time, the tale of two priests, a demon and a possessed little girl who lets Jesus inside her in the worst possible way. Who it will scare: I have met approximately one person who wasn’t scared shitless by this movie. And I married her for protection. AP KRYZA. Mission Theater, 5:30 and 8:30 pm.
[DANCE, DRINK, DANCE] It’s more fun if you drink all the Tito’s Vodka and Rainier before going in the photo booth. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8 pm. $15. 21+.
Lone Fir Tour of Untimely Departures
[SEE DEAD PEOPLE] Live Friends of Lone Fir Cemetery guides introduce you to their less animated buddies. Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery, SE 26th Av. & SE Stark St. 5-9 pm. $10.
SUNDAY, NOV. 1
Cargo’s Anniversary Party: Day of the Dead
[SHOPPING] Before Cargo became a Pearl anomaly full of international curios, art and interior designers’ dreams, it grew up in the Eastside Industrial district. A year ago, it moved back. Using Day of the Dead as the theme for it’s second first birthday on the East side, Cargo is inviting people to contribute photos for their Dia de los Muertos shrine, decorate sugar skulls, enjoy confections fom Alma Chocolates and Goldfinch Carmels, get a tarot reading and peruse art hung in the store. Works on display includes heirloom style prints of skeletons from a 100-year-old book that Reading Frenzy’s Chloe Eudaly discovered and local filmmaker Janet McIntyre’s encaustics, which mix beeswax with feathers via blowtorch. Cargo, 81 SE Yamhill St., 4 pm. Free.
[DEAD DRUNK] At Bazi Bierbrasserie and nearby Imperial Bottle Shop & Taproom (3090 SE Division St.), all hell will break loose on the Mexican day of the dead, with more than 20 themed beers, ciders and wines ranging from Belgium’s Brouwerij Het Anker Lucifer Black to a Mexican-style lager from 21st Amendment. It’s $10 for a glass and two tastes, $2 for each additional five-ounce taste. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 1 pm.
[BLOODY SUNDAY] Carrie White still gets her bath in this remake of the classic Halloween fodder that notoriously flopped on Broadway in 1988. The multi-million dollar flop lasted just five performances during its original Broadway run, but now it’s became such a legendary emblem of theatrical folly that a new generation felt obliged to raise the overly-maligned project from the grave. The original was penned by Lawrence Cohen (screenwriter for the famous film) and scored by Michael Gore & Dean Pitchford (the platinumFame and Footloose songwriting team). This Stumptown Stages production follows a triumphant Los Angeles revival earlier this year that won fans over with a streamlined script, inventive staging and soft rock balladry that creepily fuels the story of a bullied teen girl’s telekinetic revenge. JAY HORTON.Antoinette Hatfield Hall, 1111 SW Broadway, 381-8686. 7:30 pm. Other showtimes through Nov. 8. $25-$40.
Willamette Week