Willamette Weekend: 8 Things to Do and See in Portland Jan. 1-3

FRIDAY, JAN 1

Do Nothing

[HOLIDAY] "New Year's Day is, quite simply, the greatest day of the year." Read Matthew Singer's New Year's Day is the new New Year's Eve.

New Year's Day Rehab Brunch

[BOOZE] EastBurn will host a rehab brunch starting at 10 am, with a bloody mary bar and $2 mimosa refills that make it sound less like rehab than just…more drinking. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 236-2876. 10 am.

Sad Horse

[WEIRD PUNK] Sad Horse's recently released Greatest Hits, which gathers tracks from the Portland duo's various cassette releases, is a bewitching collection. Most songs clock in at just over a minute, and each one unveils a minor discovery, a fleeting refraction of punk or pop or rock 'n' roll that fucks with expectations while satisfying the need for a quick thrill. There is an intimate and hermetic alchemy at work in Sad Horse's approach, and while it sometimes echoes the early 2000s work of Erase Errata and Japanther, Greatest Hits builds an odd world of its own. The materials are basic—one guitar, one drum set, two voices—but the result is anything but. CHRIS STAMM. Mississippi Records, 5202 N Albina Ave., 282-2990. 8 pm. Free. All ages.

Empire

[SPECTACLE] If your New Year's Eve wasn't enough of a mindfuck, Spiegelworld promises to make up for it. It's sexualized Cirque do Soleil in an intimate spiegeltent. Performers wander through the crowd catching projectiles in their pants, taking photos with patrons' faces pressed to their asses and softening the thresholds of humiliation before things get really vulgar. The acrobatics and contortion acts become jaw-droppingly real, with every quivering muscle, hyper-extended rib cage and sweat-slicked pectoral on full display. It's every bit as erotic as it sounds. Rose Quarter Benton Lot, 542 N Broadway, 800-745-3000. 9 pm. $25-$99.

SATURDAY, JAN 2

Greg Fitzsimmons

[LAUGH IT OFF] If you missed him on New Year's Eve, you can catch him in the New Year, but take a day to sleep it off first. A regular on the late-night talk show circuit, Greg Fitzsimmons is known for mixing incisive wit with scathing sarcasm. Start your 2016 off right with a comedy show that will definitely cure your two-day hangover. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 7:30 & 10 pm. $20-$28. 21+.

Poison Idea, the Lovesores, Shadowhouse

[FEELING THE DARKNESS] This is uncontroversial: There has been no band more important to come out of Portland than Poison Idea. In fact, there is no more important anything that's come out of Portland. If flannel-clad coffee boys are Portland's nadir, then it certainly stands to reason that the leather, bristles, studs and acne-scarred reprobates in Poison Idea are its zenith. They put out the sole important album from the otherwise entirely barren 1990s, Feel the Darkness, and even if they're just scary old men now, the weight of that immense task should carry them through this entire millennium into the year 3000, when punk and humanity alike have forsaken entirely this unwieldy human form and exist solely in the realms of the Space Internet. BRACE BELDEN. Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St., 226-0430. 8 pm. $9. 21+.

Boned

[INDIE FILM] Hollywood actress and producer Angela Landis will be at the Portland premier of her new film Boned, an indie comedy written and directed by Bizarro novelist Laura Lee Bahr and starring Bai Ling. Landis portrays a struggling actress named Samantha Marlow who walks dogs to pay the bills. After accidentally denting the door on an attractive doctor's SUV, she is swept into a plot of violent dog-nappers, gothic bondage cultists and starving actors in denial who all conspire to topple the unsinkable Samantha. See Nathan Carson's Q&A with Landis. NR. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 223-4527. 6:30 and 9:30 pm. $4.

Cappella Romana presents Epiphany

[EPIPHANAL CHANT] Overindulge in New Year's evil? Feeling the need for an experience that's a bit more austere, purifying, transcendent, perhaps even a bit penitent? Portland's internationally renowned vocal ensemble has just the recipe to scour away your sins and soothe your hangover: bracing medieval Greek and Latin chants for Epiphany as it was celebrated from the 11th to 13th centuries. Unsweetened by instrumental accompaniment or even harmony, the music is sublimely sung by a stalwart squadron of stentorian male voices, all Orthodox cantors from Portland, Atlanta, San Francisco, Boston and London. BRETT CAMPBELL. Trinity Episcopal Cathedral, 147 NW 19th Ave., 236-8202. 7:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 2. $33-$44. All ages.

SUNDAY, JAN 3

The Hateful Eight

[Portland has one of less than 100 cinemas in the country with the technology to screen Quentin Tarantino's Roadshow edition of The Hateful Eight in 70mm Ultra Panvision. The N word does sound more vivid in super widescreen. Read Martin Cizmar's review. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 2, 6 and 10:30 pm. $15.

Willamette Week