British piano rockers Coldplay will be headlining Super Bowl 50 at Levi's Stadium in Santa Clara, Calif. Although Coldplay have made innumerable contributions to pop music, many have criticized the choice due to the band's gently uplifting style of music, better suited for an office party at a mid-sized law firm than the billion dollar sporting event of the year. Here are five acts which may be more appropriate than Coldplay to perform the halftime show at Super Bowl 50.
Does a Bay Area Super Bowl need Coldplay? Nope! Does it need a legendary Vallejo rapper to tell them when to go dumb? Yup! An E-40 halftime show would make Super Bowl 50 the most hyphy Super Bowl in history.
2. Five Finger Death Punch
The NFL has made an enormous commitment to supporting the troops (in exchange for large amounts of sponsorship money). Getting the troops-supportingest hard-rock band in America would really drive home the NFL's dedication. Ideally, the second half would then kick off with the football being fired out of an M1 Abrams tank gun.
3. Foo Fighters performing Karlheinz Stockhausen's Helikopter-Streichquartett
Americans love three things: football, Foo Fighters and modernist classical music. Nothing says "spectacle" quite like Dave Grohl and the gang, each in his own helicopter, playing a rollicking arrangement of Stockhausen's most ambitious string quartet above the enraptured crowd at Levi's Stadium.
4. Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen
If the NFL is going to have foreigners perform at the most American event in history, why not at least show some North American solidarity by inviting musicians from our scrappy little brother up north? If football confuses them, tell them it is American hockey.
5. Taylor Swift
America wants Taylor Swift to play this and every Super Bowl from now until the end of football. America wants the Super Bowl to be renamed the Taylor Swift Bowl. America wants every NFL team to be renamed "the Swifts." Roger Goodell should give America what we want.
SEE IT: Super Bowl 50 kicks off at 3:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 7, on CBS.