Hey, Dr. Know. Partyin'? —Some Weirdo in My Email Six Years Ago
Apologies for taking so long to reply to your message, Weirdo; to be frank, it didn't seem like a particularly interesting question until now. However, in light of recent developments, I believe I can now answer with a "yes"—and not just in the sense that drinking Hamm's in the dark while looking at cat memes constitutes a "party." Allow me to explain.
As it happens, this column—the one you're reading RIGHT NOW—is, in fact, the 500th "Dr. Know" to appear in WW since we started this whole questionable enterprise lo these many years ago. (I've already instructed our printer to run off 100,000 additional copies of this issue to meet the sure-to-be-heightened demand from collectors.)
But wait, it gets worse: Due to the vagaries of our Western calendar, 500 weeks (plus a few extra to account for vacations and whatnot*) turns out to be very close to 10 years. And indeed, this September will mark the 10th anniversary of the Dr. Know column. Huzzah!
Like any sane person, my first impulse upon confronting this realization was to climb to the top of the nearest grain elevator and shoot myself. But then I thought, where's the fun in that? Instead, we've decided to make a big stink about it, one whose details I can now reveal.
Yes, in honor of this column's 10th anniversary, we (that's me along with a bunch of people who actually know what they're doing, thank God) will be presenting a show, "That's Edutainment! With Dr. Know," that will bring all the futility and despair you've learned to love in this column to the live stage.
We'll tell some of Oregon's weirder stories in a spatio-temporal, audiovisual, multimedia extravaganza that will stretch far beyond the bounds of decency and good taste. Celebrity appearances! Live musicians! Puppets! Talking produce! Fog!
To be clear, this is a real event. It all goes down Saturday, Sept. 7, at the Alberta Rose Theatre. Watch this space for ticketing info, and remember: Like all things that occur on a specific date, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Don't miss it!