When the Weather Gets Nice, I Like to Have Sex With My Wife in the Backyard. Will We Be in Legal Trouble if Someone Sees?

When the weather gets nice, I sometimes like to have sex with my wife in the backyard. Unfortunately, the new apartment building next door overlooks our lot. Will we be in legal trouble if we keep at it on our now not so private property? —Hot in the City

As someone who also sometimes likes to have sex with your wife in the backyard, Hot, I feel your pain. Sadly, however, in this case the law has bad news for you, me and the Denver Broncos: It’s illegal to do it where nonconsenting strangers can see you, even when your most fervent wish is that those strangers would just go away.

It’s true that under Oregon law the exposure of genitalia is legal provided it’s not done with the intent to arouse sexual desire,* so you might argue that you and Mrs. Hot should get a pass, since you’re not trying to turn anyone on (except, hopefully, each other).

It’s a moot point. The same law categorically bans any act of sexual intercourse performed “in, or in view of, a public place,” even if everyone involved is completely uninterested and strictly doing it for the Old Navy rewards points.

“But surely,” you cry, “I have an expectation of privacy in my own yard!” Nope! In the same way your right to pee off your porch ends when they build a day care across the street, your right to get busy in your backyard ended when someone built a fully permitted residential facility with an unobstructed view of your quivering buttocks.

You don’t have to cover your junk when, say, a camera-equipped drone asks for trouble by flying over your nude-tanning sanctuary. However, if your behavior results in folks who are simply going about their lawful business being subjected to “unwanted and shocking displays” (Oregon v. Brooks, 1976), you’re open to prosecution.

In short, it’s your responsibility to shield your hoo-ha. More than one defendant has been convicted for being too careless with the curtains while nude in their own home, and in theory you could face a $6,250 fine and up to a year in jail. In practice, of course, the cops probably have bigger fish to fry. (Though I’m sure your fish is lovely, in its way.)

*Not in Portland, though, so put it away before you hurt yourself.

Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com.