Top Five Tips For Keeping a Band Together 30 Years

By Dale Crover of The Melvins

Never have a hit song.

As long as you never have a hit, you can't be considered has-beens. We consider ourselves never-had-beens.

Stay away from weasel dust.

You've no doubt heard of bands having to cancel tours because of "exhaustion." What a pant-load! Touring is not hard. You spend most of the time sitting around doing jack. You're exhausted because you've been up for a week straight doing blow with hookers. A sure way to have a heart attack and cut your career short.

Kick someone out.

We've watched lots of successful bands at the top of their game break up because they can't get along with each other (Soundgarden, I'm looking at you). Usually it's one member of the band causing all the problems. Most likely it's the bass player. Just kick them out and start fresh. We've done it numerous times.

Flood the market.

It seems we have a new release every other week. People won't forget you if your name is always in the papers. Look how well it's worked for Dave Grohl. He's all over the place, either jamming with the Beatles, or having tea with the Obamas. He's everywhere at once—kinda like God.

Just don’t break up.

We realized years ago that this is it. We don't have anything to fall back on if this doesn't work out. I'd have a hard time getting a straight job anywhere nowadays. "So, your last job was 20-plus years ago making pizza, Mr. Crover?"

SEE IT: The Melvins play Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., with Honky, on Tuesday, Aug. 20. 7:30 pm. $16 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.