AP Film Studies: Oh, the Horror

But whether you prefer your teenagers shredded or smartassed, there's something for you in Portland theaters this week. Here is the definitive guide to just how likely each film is to make you pee your pants. Pack extra dungarees accordingly. 

Something Evil (1972)

An ultra-rare, made-for-TV flick from a young upstart named Steven Spielberg, the film follows a couple dealing with their teenage son's transition into adulthood, complete with the requisite demonic possession.

Fear factor: Eh, 5? 4? Pretty creepy for a made-for-TV movie…I've heard. Like I said, it's rare. 

Good for: Spielberg fans; folks with an aversion to gore and profanity.

Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Wednesday, Oct. 22.

Halloween (1978)

With little more than a William Shatner mask, a butcher knife and a synthesizer, John Carpenter changed the horror landscape. Interestingly, the original Halloween is the polar opposite of its imitators: a relatively bloodless film that relies on Hitchcockian tension and atmosphere over gore.

Fear factor: 8. The sight of Michael Myers simply lurking in the shadows has scarred generations of horror fans.

Good for: Anyone stimulated by general discomfort; horror fans seeking to make true believers out of non-horror cinephiles.

Academy Theater. Oct. 24-30.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Before he became a wise-cracking cartoon, Freddy Krueger was Wes Craven's greatest creation: a razor-gloved dreamstalker out to continue his legacy of child murder. The nightmare sequences alone are the stuff of horrific legend.

Fear factor: 8. No bad puns here. Just atmospheric dread and brutal kills.

Good for: Narcoleptics; Johnny Depp detractors.

Laurelhurst Theater. Oct. 24-30.

Ghostbusters (1984)

Portland's zillionth 30th anniversary screening of the seminal supernatural comedy is paired with a standup set, which itself could be considered horror, depending on your feelings about standup.

Fear factor: 4. In between the Twinkie science and Mr. Stay Puft, there are some genuinely startling moments.

Good for: Everybody. If you don't like Ghostbusters, you're dead to the world.

Hollywood Theatre. Oct. 24-31.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Another '70s classic misremembered for being soaked in gore, TCM is the oft-imitated granddaddy of slasher films, complete with literal teenage meat and a family dynamic that makes the Kardashians seem normal.

Fear factor: 8. The atmosphere and implied violence are chilling, and the dinner scene will damage you for life.

Good for: Vegans (it's theorized the film is anti-meat); shop teachers; diehards.

Hollywood Theatre. Opens Friday, Oct. 24. 

The Monster Squad (1987)

Director Fred Dekker shows up to present this Shane Black-penned monster mash pitting a group of wiseass kids against Universal's classic monsters. Basically, it's The Goonies with monsters instead of pirates.

Fear factor: 3. There's some PG-13 violence, but it's pretty tame.

Good for: Anyone with '80s nostalgia. So, most of Portland.

Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Friday, Oct. 24. 

Ravenous (1999)

Director Antonia Bird's highly underrated cannibal flick, set during the Mexican-American war, uses the Donner Party as inspiration for a maniacal, trippy and utterly disgusting black comedy that boasts some of the most truly unsettling sound design of all time. 

Fear Factor: 6...and add 3 if you have an aversion to gore or meat. 

Good for: Especially vindictive PETA members; those who consider morbidity a virtue.

5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 3 pm Sunday, Oct. 24-26.

Dracula (1931)

The bloodsucker's first Hollywood foray is a certified classic. Don't blame Bela Legosi for that shitty "Dracula is Batman" flick currently in multiplexes. Tod Browning's black-and-white creeper is screened herewith a creepy Philip Glass score. 

Fear Factor: 3. The story's too familiar to genuinely scare, but the atmosphere is still unsettling. 

Good for: Horror completists; Halloween with Grandma.

5th Avenue Cinema. 7:30 pm Friday, Oct. 24.

The Craft (1996)

Wresting the concept of teenage witches from Sabrina and filtering it through Hot Topic, this slumber-party favorite is best paired with a little "light as a feather, stiff as a board." Any scares it does offer will be lost on this screening, which is a Hecklevision presentation.

Fear Factor: 3. Add or subtract 2 depending on how you feel about Fairuza Balk's mouth.

Good for: People who begged their parents for Urban Decay nail polish and owned Korn's first three albums; people who can't sit through a whole movie without looking at their goddamned phones.

Hollywood Theatre. 9:45 pm Saturday, Oct. 25.

House on Haunted Hill (1959)

Perhaps Vincent Price's most thoroughly enjoyable tingler (with respect to his film actually called The Tingler), the actor is gleefully sinister as a nefarious millionaire who invites five people to endure a night in his house full of ghosts, murderers, monsters and '50s-era prosthetics.

Fear Factor: 6. This is director William Castle at his finest, deftly balancing real scares and high camp.

Good for: Fans of classics; folks turned off by blood and horny teenagers.

Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Saturday, Oct. 25.

Alien (1979)

With its claustrophobic setting, terrifying creature design and sense of utter isolation, Ridley Scott's exercise in dread remains top-tier in both the horror and sci-fi genres.

Fear factor: 9. In space, nobody can hear you scream. In a movie theater, everyone can.

Good for: Blindsiding friends whose knowledge of the Aliens franchise typically includes Predators; anybody who enjoys genuinely scary horror.

Hollywood Theatre. 6:45 pm Sunday, Oct. 26.

Twins of Evil (1971), Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)

More Cushing for the pushin', as they say. Peter Cushing stars in a double feature of Hammer Horror's not-so-finest entries, the former an erotic tale of witches and vampires, the latter following a crazed Dr. Frankenstein on a brain-harvesting mission to an asylum.

Fear factor: 4. These aren't Hammer's best films, but their camp value is high.

Good for: Old-school horror completists; cinematic value shoppers.

Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Oct. 28.

Also Showing: 

1. Speaking of Predator, well, that’s playing too, and there are some parts of Schwarzenegger’s take on The Most Dangerous Game that are truly horrifying, including a creature harvesting human spines and Jesse Ventura’s mustache. Cinetopia Progress Ridge. 7 and 10 pm Wednesday, Oct. 22.

1. Not horror, per se, but nonetheless unsettling, John Carpenter’s subversive sci-fi actioner They Live envisioned a world where mankind is brainwashed by alien overseers. It was way ahead of its time back in 1988, and I’m not just talking about the epic bum fight between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David. Kiggins Theater. Opens Friday, Oct. 24.

1. Brewmasterpiece Theater is pairing Ninkasi with Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for an event dubbed “Spocktoberfest,” which includes a costume contest. Hollywood Theatre. 9:30 pm Friday, Oct. 24.

1. For those seeking the complete antithesis to Halloween, the NW Film Center is rolling out a double feature of Frank Capra feel-goodery: the classic 1934 romance It Happened One Night (4:30 pm) and the 1937 fantasy Lost Horizon (7 pm), an anti-war film transporting plane-crash survivors to Shangri-La. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. Saturday, Oct. 25.

1. For the second week in a row, the immortal Talking Heads concert film Stop Making Sense makes a Portland appearance. This should happen every week. Clinton Street Theater. 7 and 9 pm Friday, Oct. 24 and 7:30 pm Sunday, Oct. 26.

1. Go-to organist Dean Lemire provides live music for a screening of Buster Keaton’s Sherlock Jr. Hollywood Theatre. 1 pm Sunday, Oct. 26.

1. Reel Feminism presents A Knock Out, the story of British boxer Michele Aboro. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Monday, Oct. 27. 

WWeek 2015