Disneyland for Truckers

10-4, good buddy, head down to Jubitz for the Rose City Round-Up.

Jubitz Truck Stop is an empire: 26 acres of redistricted red state in Oregon's bluest city. It's a beacon of the city's northern limits that says, "Give me your tired, who sit for a living, and I will provide them with a series of different chairs...and video slots." We call it "Truckers' Disneyland," but unlike Disneyland, there are no lines, fewer children and an insular kind of muted joy that comes only after 12 hours on the road.


Breakfast is served 24 hours a day, everyone is "hon" or "my dear," and the eye-patched cook makes excellent burgers. Every table comes with a view of the grainy, glossy majesty of a poster of Mount Hood beneath faux window panes. 


Men sit alone at tables made for three, and you can build a sub sandwich until they run out of bread around 4 pm. Walk down memory lane with square, school cafeteria-style pizza and the trucker who reminisces about middle-school sweethearts with the sandwich makers: "I was in eighth grade and she was a senior—that didn't work out too well."


This convenience store's caloric stockpile could easily sustain a college dorm for a week. Peruse a rack of books featuring the only reading material that really matters: God's Promises for Every Day, God's Heart for You and, of course, Bible Word Search: Large Print. Tie-dyed Jubitz T-shirts are 50 percent off—act fast!


By shoes, we mean cowboy boots. By Bernie, we actually mean Bernie—he's been there since 1968.


Beard trims are $10, and goatees are $6.


The only theater where $5 gets you an entire row to yourself! Sit back and let the man who was 20 minutes late do all the laughing for you. 


If there's a reason to actually go to Jubitz, it's the Ponderosa Lounge: the ultimate marriage of the 12-bar blues shuffle and the "Cupid Shuffle," whose stage often hosts impromptu after-hours shows from traveling stadium country giants, along with other nightly two-step. Don't be dissuaded by the massive "No boots, no spurs, no service" banner, they'll definitely serve you an "Angry Balls" cocktail in those flip-flops you love.


Where truckers earn their day wages after driving an emptied semitrailer on their own dime. Inebriation meets frustration in a strangely subduing cocktail. Expect some real conversations. 

GO: The eighth annual Rose City Round-Up, a celebration of hot-rod lifestyle, is Friday-Saturday, June 19-20, at Jubitz Travel Center, 10210 N Vancouver Way. Flamethrower display Friday at 8 pm followed by music from the Streakin' Healys, Rich Layton & the Troublemakers, and Honky Tonk Union. $5. Outdoor music and food vendors free Saturday starting at 9 am. Music inside Saturday night from the Rocketz, Gambler's Mark, Henchmen, and Dead Man's Hand. 8 pm. $15.