Politics is a messy business. We had all kinds of salient thoughts prepared—really profound stuff—for these second-round matchups if they'd gone according to seeding. But there is no predicting your taste, Portland voter. You could do anything. We are mildly frightened of you. The vox populi is making our ears bleed.
We kid, we kid. We, for one, welcome our new talk-radio overlords. So vote!
16. Victoria Taft, Talk-radio resentment queen 8. Timber Joey, Soccer mascot/lumber baron
12. Mike Rice, Blazers TV color commentator 13. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, Accused holiday-tree bomber
11. Sherri Hiner, From Mattress World! 3. Timothy Hutton, Avenging injustice
10. Scott Kveton, Urban Airship CEO 15. Patty, Magic Garden bartender