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I'd like to confess up front that I didn't give Hot Pursuit a fair shot. I hadn't gotten a chance to eat dinner beforehand so all my negativity may have been due to low blood sugar. The movie was probably great and I was just hangry. That must be what happened.
But just in case it was real, WHAT THE SHIT, REESE? How could you do this to me? It feels like just yesterday I was enjoying your performance as the woman who's tired of walking in Wild. You were minimalist and inspiring then, and it broke my heart when you slept with that guy in a yurt in Ashland. But now you're back to your standby: "I'm a short and blond, but I think I'm someone. ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!?" Ugh. Maybe itâs the hunger pangs talking, but I'd rather be Tasered than watch 90 minutes of that.
In Hot Pursuit, Reese Witherspoon applies her blondness to a bumbling Barney Fife-type police officer who's improbably bad at human interactions. She's paired with Modern Family's Sofia Vergara who has got to be tired of overplaying her accent for laughs by now. The adorably Bert-and-Ernie pair goes on a wacky road trip, learning lessons about life and love. Oh, and trying to avoid being shot by a murderous drug cartel. Does that last part seem incongruous? Yep.
Hot Pursuit has some INSANE mood swings. A few minutes in, we cut from silly police shenanigans to a news exposé introducing the villain: "He's wanted for over 100 murders!" Wait, what? It's like Chief Wiggum and Jessica Rabbit running from Hans Gruber.
And look, I admit there was a Pizza Schmizza right out in front of the movie theater and that wouldâve held me over. So I could have seen Hot Pursuit for the brilliant satire it probably is, but Schmizza is almost worse than starving. (Fun fact: They intentionally don't melt the cheese all the way JUST TO IRRITATE YOU.)
There are gags. Mostly of the physical variety, relying heavily on the fact that Witherspoon keeps handcuffing herself to Vergara for no apparent reason. Now they're "kissing;â now they're catfighting; now they're straddling each other while driving a bus and shooting guns. I could swear itâs not funny, but people in the theater laughed every time someone bumped their head or called Witherspoon short. Because it's a great film, if you're well-fed.
I liked exactly three parts. First, when an old person asks about a dead body: "Do you think he has any snacks?" Maybe it was only funny because I would have relished a gluten-free protein bar off a corpse by then. There's also a delightful cameo from Jim Gaffigan, which just made me wonder why it wasn't a Jim Gaffigan movie with a Reese Witherspoon cameo. That would have been great.
And the third thing I liked was how good my Thai food tasted after fixating on it for 90 minutes while Reese Witherspoon ruined all the good will she accumulated in the last year.
Critic's Grade: D
SEE IT: Hot Pursuit is rated PG-13. It plays at Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Cinetopia, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Theater.
WWeek 2015