Save Portland from Hell: Censor the Naked Bike Ride

Protect your neighbors and children from Satanic nudity.

On Saturday, thousands of adults will remove the clothes that God gave them to hide their shameful bodies, get on their bikes and ride through the streets of Portland for the World Naked Bike Ride.

It's a crime against Jesus that one brave citizen is trying to, if not stop, at least ameliorate. Jake Zimmermann of, whose previous efforts include "See You at the Strip Pole," is taking the fight for souls to the streets with an action called "Censor the Naked Bike Ride."

As the event listing says: "Join us and hundreds of Christian volunteers, as we take Exodus 28:42 to the streets. Armed with bed sheets and teamed up in two's, we'll minister to the community by covering the bike-streakers as they peddle through our neighborhoods."

If you can't come yourself, Zimmermann suggests donating sheets to Lake Bible Church in Lake Oswego. [Editor's note: Lake Bible Church said in an email forwarded to us: "...including Lake Bible Church in [the Censor the Naked Bike Ride] campaign to fight this Portland 'tradition', as disgusting as it is, is not authorized by the elders or congregation of Lake Bible Church...We have our own way of dealing with things and we absolutely do not want to be conscripted by any 'lone ranger' presuming upon our complicity in your way of doing things." ]

Take that Satan! Also, as a reminder, please bring safety gear if you plan on rollerblading.

More information can be found at his website or on any of the signs posted around town:

Please note: If anyone sees people actually doing this, please send us pictures. Have fun riding around naked, sinners. See you in hell!