Clawing for the crown, local Portland comedians present their top-notch schticks for Helium’s 5th Annual Funniest Person competition. The dubbing of the most hilarious is near, with selected comics moving to the next round of semifinals tonight and tomorrow, and the final round happening next week. With the standup stakes being so high, we asked some of the fierce semifinalists what they find to be the funniest thing(s) in their hometown of Portland:

photo from Andie Main 
Andie Main


The funniest thing about Portland is that we think we're so special and unique but actually this town is exactly like every other city: full of white dudes with beards, flannel and denim. Everywhere I've done comedy across the country is exactly the same. Food carts and microbrews are the standard. Actually, that's not exactly funny. It's delusional. My dog is the funniest thing about Portland. She's hilarious. 

photo by Todd Armstrong

Todd Armstrong


The funniest thing about Portland is that no one will call you on being an anarchist with a bus pass. 

photo by Becky Braunstein

Becky Braunstein


I overheard this in Portland the other day and it made me laugh for like five hours: "She tried to pretend like her schnauzers aren't completely out of control, but THEY ARE, girl."

When I moved here from Alaska, everybody told me you don't need air conditioning in Portland. That was pretty funny. 

Bri Pruett
photo by Inger Klekacz

 Bri Pruett


The funniest thing about Portland is we'll probably get kombucha in the water before fluoride.

photo by Danny Felts

Danny Felts 


The thing that has always made me laugh the hardest in Portland is my friend and fellow comic, Tim Ledwith, and his Tumblr is hilarious to me. It's not technically in Portland per se, but it's just so funny to me. It's at and I'd recommend checking out the Web Freebies section. 

photo by Alex Falcone

Alex Falcone


Two funniest things about Portland: There's a didgeridoo jam band that likes to play outside my apartment. I tweeted at the Portland Police that this terrible sound was happening and could they do anything about it and they replied that they couldn't make a band better and then used a smiley face. 

photo by Ian Durias

Ian Durias


The funniest thing about Portland is that the Portland International Airport carpet was named the Grand Marshal of the Starlight Parade. So the face of one of Portland’s most popular summer events is a baseball cap and two eyes stuck onto some rolled-up carpet. Only in Portland can you play "Parade Grand Marshal or Popular Way To Dispose Of A Dead Body?" 

See it: 5th Annual Funniest Person, Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave. Semifinals, 7 and 10 pm, Tuesday, June 30, and Wednesday, July 1. Finals, 8 pm Tuesday, July 7. $15. 21+.