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Forget the Lambada, the Tootsie Roll, even the Humpty Dance—the Charleston is the sexiest dance ever invented. At least, it is when the girl performing it winds up wearing nothing but garters and pasties by the end. Come to think of it, just about any act is made exponentially sexier by the inclusion of fishnets, lace and boobie tassels. Ever seen a woman clean a microwave in her bra and panties? Hawt.
And therein lies the key to modern burlesque, the art form that emphasizes the "tease" in striptease: In a time where the mainstream definition of beauty is oppressively narrow, it democratizes sexiness. A successful burlesque dancer is not judged by how disproportionate her overinflated, scoliosis-inducing breasts are to her toothpick frame; the criteria is something less tangible, something that cannot be artificially achieved, something that transcends body type. Namely, sass. And, based on the performances at the first edition of the Hawthorne Theater's weekly burlesque night, Indulgence, the ability to pull off 80-year-old dance moves.
Of course, in a city with more stripper poles than police officers, the question is: Why leave the house to watch a chick do the Lindy Hop in her underwear when you can walk down the street and see one completely naked?
Well, first of all, it's not really a fair comparison. Strip clubs are only about titillation (OK, and buffalo wings); a burlesque show aims for arousal and entertainment, and not strictly in that order. At Indulgence, which took place in the Hawthorne's impossibly intimate and maybe too-well-lit lounge area, the two evenly blended throughout the night, most acutely in the performance by the Portland-based duo of Euphemia Fox—who opened the show with the Charleston-A-Go-Go routine—and Mister Minix Mips, together known as Swingtease. Their segment, in which Mips gradually disrobed Fox as they swing-danced together (hence their name), probably would've made the cast of Footloose's heads explode. And when Mips—who sorta resembles Sonic Youth's gangly frontman Thurston Moore—ripped off his shirt to reveal his own set of pasties...well, "arousing" might not be the right word, but it certainly got a laugh out of the crowd.
Secondly, at a nudie bar, all the attention is on the final product. The actual act of stripping is really just a way to burn time—like if a porn site made you play a game of Minesweeper before downloading a picture. In burlesque, the foreplay is the main attraction. That's why, in this medium, attitude matters most: When the payoff isn't full-frontal nudity, a performer can't rely solely on their flesh. Personality counts. Host and Indulgence organizer Sahara Dunes—who spent the evening multitasking, running backstage and through the audience with a wireless mic—might not fit the physical profile of a typical "erotic dancer," but the veteran confidence she exuded on stage lent an undeniable sensuality to her two routines. Only headliner Sadie LaGuerre, sorry, make that Bella Berretta, one-upped her in terms of charisma, berating the crowd to applaud louder and putting an exclamation point on the night with a final ass-smack.
But if this all sounds a bit too high-minded for you, or if you're just a really big fan of nipples, there is still one reason to check out the second installment of Indulgence next Thursday: raffles!
When was the last time you went to Acropolis and left with a vibrator and a candy thong, huh?
Indulgence runs every Thursday in January at the Hawthorne Theater (3862 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 233-7100). For a list of performers and other info, visit www.burlygirlproductions.com.
WWeek 2015