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Even for the consummate pothead, this has been a challenging summer.
Despite the big-snuggle vibes of the vaxxed, waxed and relaxed contingent, some of us were content spending the solstice solo, vaping on alpine lake floats or puffing fat doinks in glacial waterfall foot baths, maintaining our tiny personal bubbles in the the safe, wide open spaces of the Northwest. That is, until it became a heatstroke risk to leave our homes, much less spend a day smoking weed under the usually limited sparkling rays of the summer sun.
Well, blazing hell season or nah, there’s an entire party flotilla of new cannabis summer strains to explore, and I don’t know about y’all, but I’m thrilled to resume smoking exotic blunts in my hammock without the threat of heatstroke. So, as this very intense season diminishes and we are returned to our beloved WAP (wet-ass Portland), let’s consider celebrating the vestiges of summer with these novel strains while there’s still time to shoehorn in some warm weather frivolity.
Dirty Taxi
This nastily named cultivar is reportedly a hyperactive sativa hybrid with an aggressive amount of THC. It’s genetics are something of mystery, but rumor has it this phenotype was bred from a cross of GMO Cookies and Chem i95, the result of which is a bright green, sugary nug with a complex slate of effects. The high arrives with a boom and a deeply stoney cerebral buzz that, despite its intensity, supposedly spirals counterclockwise, away from sleepier effects. A toe-tapping body high that’s a straightforward path to housework, bodywork or, depending on your resting mood, summertime window twerking soon follows, so smoke with caution and/or clean windows, please. Get it from: Archive Portland, 10645 SE Henry St,, 503-719-4229, archivedispensary.com.
Secret Formula
Strains I associate with summer are typically euphoric cultivars bred for maximum daytime enjoyment (no matter when the users decide to claim their wakeful hours). Despite Secret Formula’s genetics being decidedly indica dominant, this hybrid expresses itself as a loud sativa with precisely the type of bold, buzzy effects I love for sun-soaked afternoons. Users rally around this relatively new strain, however, not just for its peppy euphoria, but for effects that range from chronic pain relief to munchie motivation for those suffering from loss of appetite. In my opinion, that therapeutic energy is precisely the type of high we need after such an emotionally demanding few weeks, months, years or decades. Get it from: kushcartpdx.com
Tang Breath
For those of us who can’t be bothered with modesty in summer—and have been walking around with our butt cheeks out—maybe let’s just lean into all this humid sensuality and get horny high with this season’s botanical answer to a smoldering aphrodisiac. Whether putting the moves on yourself or on a partner or two, Tang Breath reportedly delivers a romantic head high so voluptuously coiled around a lascivious body high that users have no choice but to buckle, or unbuckle, if you catch my drift. Regardless, whether you’re turned on by your own sweat or the summer heat is drying up your libido, this phenotype supposedly feels especially designed to moisturize and prime its user’s sex engines for some powerful revving. Get it from: Power Plant, 10215 SE Foster Road, 971-302-7283.
Cream Soda
If your ideal summer strain is anything but an eye-opening blast of clamorous euphoria, Cream Soda might be a strain for you. Cream Soda is a chilled-out phenotype with decidedly relaxing effects, according to users. This cultivar’s cannabinoid profile is tempered by 0.03% CBD, which may not seem like much alongside the strain’s average 20% THC, but it has been found by fans to bring the energy of this strain down to earth, and even make it a suitable pre-bedtime puff. Bred by the team at Grizzly Peak Farms, cultivators advise this strain is also efficient at treating anxiety, depression, indigestion, insomnia, inflammation and even the occasional minor pain. Get it from: Serra, 220 SW 1st Ave., 971-279-5613, shopserra.com.
Frozen Lemons
The name alone implies summer whimsy—what other time of year is anyone paying any attention to frozen citrus? Frozen Lemons features Freezerburn and Lemon Fire strain genetics, and expresses its inherited qualities as a mostly peppy magic carpet ride, which is to say the body high is, typically, deeply effervescent, and the head high tends to be manageably yet brightly psychotropic. Users celebrate this cultivar’s energetic effects, and reportedly prefer it for daytime pursuits, but exercise caution—even the sunniest of sativas can interact with your endocannabinoid system in unexpected ways, so start slow lest your head pops off or you couchlock yourself into oblivion. Get it from: Five Zero Trees Dekum, 909 NE Dekum St., 503-954-3844, fivezerotrees.com.
Lemon Pound Cake
Sometimes referred to as Lemon Cheesecake or simply Lemon Cake, this hybrid cultivar is bred from a cross of Lemon Skunk and a “dangerously powerful” strain of Cheese—and as such displays strong sativa genetics. This phenotype is reportedly powerful enough to repel novice users with highs that edge up against anxiety for the unprepared. For more seasoned users, though, this strain is supposedly a mind-opening, psychotropic thrill ride that glitters with glee. Users describe this Lemon Pound Cake as aggressively citrusy in both the nose and the exhale, so varsity cannathusiasts who prefer limonene-forward terp profiles may find it their ideal summer smoke. Pro tip: Top your bowl of this flower with a dribble of Frozen Lemon concentrate for a next-level mouthful of citrus-soaked summertime cannabis. Get it from: Chalice Farms, 5333 SE Powell Blvd., 503-788-9999, www.chalicefarms.com.