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Ask any Irish Protestant and they’ll tell you St. Patrick’s Day means a lot of different things to a lot of different folks. For Americans, though, it’s mostly an excuse to wear green, pinch people and get day drunk. For American Catholics, it’s also an excuse to break Lent and get sloppy, or, for festive agnostic types and eco-warriors, the holiday is a reminder to consider ways they can make their lives more sustainable (aka green).
For the record, I don’t endorse pinching anybody without their enthusiastic consent, but co-opting the religious feast day for the sake of environmental activism seems like a great reason to get stoned. We’re already notoriously and multifariously “green.”
Bottom line: Any way you look at St. Patty’s, there’s a different way to observe it, especially for those of us without saintly Irish roots. Whether you plan on getting hammered and eating corned beef or finding 10 new ways to live greener, there’s a weed for that. Here are a few cultivars to keep in mind for Friday’s revelry:
Green Dragon
This borderline-sedative cross of Turkish Gummy and Afghani is a super-relaxing strain with a moderate THC percentage (17% to 20% on average) and a CBD percentage of around 2%, giving the already-cozy cultivar a cushy, therapeutic bend. Rec users report brain-erasing stress relief and euphoric head highs, as well as an elastic, buttery body buzz. Therapeutic smokers may find relief from chronic pain, hypertension, depression, spasms and insomnia. Expect a piney, minty nose and candy-skunk exhale.
BUY: The Dispensary on 52nd, 4452 SE 52nd Ave., 503-420-8000, thedispensaryon52nd.com.
Green Dream
Users on the hunt for a balanced cultivar that will neither knock them out nor wind them up might appreciate the harmonious, if potent, buzz of Green Dream. This cross of Blue Dream and Green Crack has the best qualities from both parent strains, delivering chill head highs and electric body effects. Therapeutic uses can include relief from fatigue, migraines and bipolar disorder.
BUY: Brother’s Cannabis Dispensary, 1328 SE Morrison St., 503-206-4461, brothers-cannabis.com.
Green Monster
Varsity stoners looking for a long-lasting, swooning high should get familiar with Green Monster, a cultivar that very much lives up to its powerful name. The effects are dazzlingly psychotropic and uplifting. In fact, the high is so powerfully complex, new users are advised to avoid it until they gain a familiarity with astro-traveling. Therapeutically, Green Monster may provide relief from depression, stress and appetite loss. There is also evidence this cultivar protects nerve cells from degeneration and impairment.
BUY: Plane Jane’s Dispensary, 10530 NE Simpson St., 971-255-0999.
Green Crack
If you know, you know. But for the uninitiated, this inbred phenotype of Skunk #1 got its name from Snoop Dogg, who infamously smoked it and exclaimed, “This is like Green Crack,” cementing the cultivar’s uncomfortably problematic title. If you’re put off by the reference to crack cocaine, you can also refer to this strain by its nickname, Green Cush. Either way, it’s a potent favorite among Type A stoners who prefer a “get shit done” high to couchlock. Recreational users describe crystal-clear, glittering cerebral effects supported by an enduring body buzz. Therapeutic uses may include relief from migraines, fatigue and appetite loss.
BUY: Pakalolo PDX, 1528 SE Holgate Blvd., 503-369-8955, pakalolopdx.com