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How stressed are you today?
Almost assuredly, you are experiencing some level of nervousness, if not a general sense of panic due to everything from a three-year pandemic to untenable living costs. I, myself, am included. For instance, my dentist recently told me that teeth are not supposed to touch while in repose, but most of us are absentmindedly grinding them all the time because…life. We are all, like, seriously stressed out. It’s no wonder so many people out here are popping like overheated kernels of corn.
There are no easy answers to stress management, (well, apart from universal income, accessible health care, equitable education, and abolition of the police state, to start) but, hey, there is stoned meditation. Stoned meditation can help clear your mind and relax your body, jump-starting your journey within and helping you access some necessary stillness and inner peace. And cannabis-assisted introspection doesn’t necessarily require astro traveling; plenty of low-THC or nonpsychotropic cultivars can ease users into meditative relaxation without a magic carpet ride. Whether it’s guided, transcendental, or mindful meditations you’re practicing, there’s a strain for that. Just puff, focus on your breath, and roll with the wave.
Here are a few cultivars that support the kind of bone-deep meditation necessary to see the evergreen wonderland just beyond our current late-capitalism hellscape. But fair warning: Go too deep and it may lead you to file for candidacy for local office, which is probably going to result in just a ton of arguments with your constituents; i.e., more stress.
Obama Kush
Speaking of getting too high, being idealistic and ending up in politics, Obama Kush is a super-mellow cultivar that delivers effects that are both sweet and transcendental. Rec users describe highs that soothe their mind and bodies without sedation. Creative stoners might even feel inspired, in which case, meditating with an instrument or a sketchbook might maximize the calm, pacifying effects. Therapeutic users report relief from migraines, insomnia, chronic pain and stress. Expect a sweet, sharp pine aroma and woody, berry-infused exhale.
BUY: Eden Craft Cannabis, 7420 NE Sandy Blvd., 50-347-74368, edencraftcannabis.com.
Future
This rare cross of Gorilla Glue #4 and Starfighter delivers exquisitely balanced head and body highs. Users describe effects that include a third-eye-opening, borderline-enlightening euphoria and soothing body buzz—making for an easy meditation sesh. Therapeutic benefits may include treatment for muscle spasms, depression, headaches and stress. Expect a dank citrus funk in the nose and a grassy, lemony exhale.
BUY: Green Gratitude Marijuana Delivery, 10322 SE Holgate Blvd., 503-444-7707, greengratitude.us/cannabis-delivery-portland.
Pennywise
Transcendental stoners looking for a cultivar that’s a bit less potent than average might consider Pennywise, a 1-to-1 THC-CBD cross of Harlequin and Jack the Ripper that is a favorite of recreational and therapeutic users alike. Expect a creeping onset that eventually develops into a super-chill all-over buzz as well as a glittering cerebral high. Therapeutic users report relief from fibromyalgia, inflammation, spasms and stress. Expect an earthy, bitter chocolate nose and a sour-peppery exhale.
BUY: Mongoose Cannabis Co., 3123 SE Belmont St., 541-933-8032, mongoosecannabis.com.
Northern Lights
This popular contemporary strain is a cross of Afghani landrace, or wild cannabis, and Thai, which may explain its lasting acclaim. Its genetics have stood the test of time, maintaining their popularity even as more complex breeds of hybrid hit the scene. More than its staying power, Northern Lights is beloved for its intensely potent effects, including a euphoric head high and powerfully relaxing body buzz. Therapeutic users report relief from anxiety, migraine, insomnia and stress. Expect a sweet pine aroma and an earthy, woody exhale.
BUY: TJ’s on Powell, 7827 SE Powell Blvd., 503-719-7140, visittjs.com.