The NBA season is still two months away, which means Blazer fans have two months to convince themselves that, hey, maybe Sauce Castillo and the Other Curry actually are the missing pieces to get the team over the hump and recover from that embarrassing first-round sweep.

In the meantime, the season schedule is now out. Highlights include the opening home game against the Lakers, which will mark Rajon Rondo's first game in the purple-and-gold; Portland's first Christmas game since 2010, against the Jazz in Utah; and a long road trip consisting of seven games in two weeks.

Perhaps to ease some of the Neil Olshey-related angst festering within a sizable chunk of the fanbase, the organization decided to get creative with the reveal, putting together this neat little Oregon Trail-themed preview to the long, ravaging slog that is the NBA regular season—because the state's greatest contribution to pop-culture remains a 40-year-old computer game everyone was forced to play in school.

In all seriousness, it's pretty fun.

Will the real Blazers make the playoffs, or die of dysentery around the All-Star break? Only time will tell. But at least we'll always have eight-bit Dame murdering opposing mascots with basketballs.