No. 18 Because You’re Going to be Rewarded With Cheap, Second-Hand Blazers Tickets

It’s time to realize that change is the only constant, and this Blazers squad has been dusty for years. Bring back the sheen! Draft weirdos! Trade everyone!

damian Damian Lillard reacts to a call on Oct. 20, 2021. (Bruce Ely / Trail Blazers)
By Corbin Smith

Finally, folks: The Blazers stink. It took two years, a series of false hopes, an injury to Damian Lillard, and one VERY fired bully boy GM, but the rotten foundations of this squad finally gave out.

You might be thinking, “Hey, that’s bad! I like the Blazers! This is not SOMETHING TO LOVE, sir!” But you, dear reader, are WRONG. First off, you need to realize that change is the only constant, and this Blazers squad has been dusty for years now. Bring back the sheen! Draft weirdos! Trade everyone! Isn’t it cathartic to accept these possibilities in your heart?

But the real treat? Cheap NBA tickets, baby! Sure, the Blazers stink, but the teams they play against? Some of them are good! You can go to the game, pay lip service to Blazer fandom, then invest all of your psychic energy in the other team, which might NOT have squandered their best player’s prime with a series of increasingly mismatched rosters with no viable NBA wings. These are the rewards of awfulness! Reap them with a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

See all 25 Reasons to Love Portland here!

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