March 22nd, 2012 7:00 am | by AARON MESH News | Posted In: City Hall, Media, Politics

Mayoral Madness: Bud Clark Regional, Round 2


Dear lord, can anyone stop Victoria Taft? She's beating Timber Joey like a rented goalie. We're going to have to bring in a ringer soon. We're thinking Tim Tebow. We hear he's available.

Meanwhile, this is the second round of the Bud Clark Regional. It attracted the least voters of all brackets last week. We think this is because Tres Shannon was disqualified, but it also might be because it's insufficiently polarizing. So let's try this: Gert Boyle believes that the earth is 1,780 years old, and she's going to personally homeschool all your kids so they'll know. Vote!

1. Bacon maple bar
8. Andy Ricker, Cooks delicious wings

Andy Ricker makes the famous Ike's Wings at Pok Pok. The bacon maple bar is made at Voodoo Doughnut by Tres Shannon, who had to drop out of the race because he had intentionally run for mayor on a previous occasion. Shannon endorsed Packy the Elephant. You cannot vote for Packy in this race. We're sorry this is so confusing.

5. Paul Bunyan statue, He’s tall
4. Sallie Ford, Big-voiced crooner

Can the little lady with the big voice topple the big man with the blue ox? This is a very old-fashioned way of posing the question, but then she's a Prohibition-era blues singer, and he's a tall tale, so we don't reckon they'll pay it any mind.

11. Erin Janssens, First female fire chief
14. Gert Boyle, Columbia Sportswear big boss

Fun fact about Erin Jannsens: She has cats named Cumin, Vindaloo and Max! Fun fact about Gert Boyle: There are no fun facts about Gert Boyle.

7. Jon Raymond, Screenwriter-about-town
15. Reo Varnado, Snoop’s rib-cooking uncle

Raymond's most famous script is probably Wendy and Lucy, about a girl who loses her dog. Vanardo is related to Snoop Dogg. This would seem incredibly significant if you were high. On bud. In the Bud Clark Bracket. Connections, man. It's all about who you know.

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