A lot has happened over the past few days.
Donald Trump railed against the play Hamilton, though Trump has hated Broadway ever since the Supreme Court ruled that you can't yell "You're fired" in a crowded theater. Then The Donald revealed that he wants Ben Carson to head the Department of Housing and Urban Development, presumably because Trump thinks "urban" is a synonym for "Black." It was also announced that Dylann Roof will represent himself in court at his murder trial, proving that unqualified, racist zealots with bad haircuts can do more than just be President.
In international news, Fidel Castro died. As per his final wishes, the former dictator will be buried in a Che Guevera t-shirt. In entertainment news, some folks online got upset because Kanye West is a mentally unstable sexist, and if that bothers people, imagine how bummed they'll be once they find out Trump won the election.
But the news that's taking liberal bubbles across the country by storm is that Jill Stein finally crowdsourced enough money to bring back the Gilmore Girls and also, less importantly, to call for a recount in Wisconsin.
I didn't know something like this could happen. Sure, I knew that a candidate could request a recount, but I had absolutely no idea that a Green Party candidate could ever do anything that potentially benefitted Democrats.
I also had no idea that a third party candidate could just ask for enough money to try for a mulligan. Why hasn't everyone been doing that the whole time? Why haven't candidates requested a recount after every loss they lose? Instead of protests, marches, and online petitions, why not always demand a do-over whenever your least favorite candidate wins?
It's like when I was watching Lord of the Rings on TNT the other day and saw the scene where Gandalf has his lil' moth buddy holler at some eagles like they're nothing more than an Uber service for wizards. I was like, "Oh, well if he could do that the whole time, then why the fuck hasn't he just been doing that the whole time? Why would Gandalf make life so difficult for himself before turning to such an easy solution?" So then I Googled, "Gandalf Mordor Eagles Fuckin' Why?" and learned that some very fascinating men with a lot of spare time on their hands have dedicated multiple websites and multitudes of comment threads to examining exactly why Gandalf couldn't just up and fly his way straight into the heart of Mordor. But that doesn't explain why, if Bilbo had the ring ever since The Hobbit, Gandalf wouldn't take him to destroy it before Sauron's army grew to be an even more powerful threat. So then I started Googling "ork or orc?" and "is Gandalf supposed to be Jesus?" and "who the fuck is Eru Ilúvatar?" while ordering The Silmarillion off of Amazon before remembering that I already have a bookshelf full of unread books and know damn well that I don't have enough time to sit down and work my way through Tolkien. So instead I ordered Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged so that at least I can learn how to fit into Trump's America.
I'm sure there's some complicated, fantastical backstory to why the results of every election aren't always disputed. Even now, with Jill Stein filing a lawsuit in hopes of forcing Wisconsin to re-tally votes by hand, it seems unlikely that her recount crusade will bear results. But 2016 has been so fraught with dumbfound madness that I don't know what to expect. If the recount overturns the election, though, I'm sure Trump's supporters won't take it well. And while that would doubtlessly cause more than a few problems, it would be a lot of fun to watch the same liberals who defended obstructive protesting, excused rioting, and denounced the Electoral College immediately turn around to condemn obstructive protesting, shame rioters, and completely embrace the Electoral College should the recount results reflect their interests. Folks only think the system's broken until it works in their favor.