Since this is the prototype for summer now, it’s good to get a refresher on the several ways stoners can stay stoned to the bone when it’s too hot to inhale anything other than ambient air.
When hydration and overheating are the primary concerns, ice-filled beaker bongs, frozen edibles and oily mouthfuls of tincture will only get you so far. Triple digits bearing down on your air unconditioned home require more than just an alternative to the usual smoked-up dissociation, they require cold, therapeutically beneficial, hydrating drinks that offer that necessary smoked-up dissociation on the side.
Personally, we spent our heat dome weekend hiding in our basement and sipping an assortment of canna beverages, and though each of these dranks would be an attractive addition to most northwest summer stoner activities, they served us especially well during the hottest Portland weekend of our lives. Here’s our breakdown:
Magic Number’s Passion Fruit Seltzer
This lightly flavored seltzer water has a deep LaCroix vibe that makes it super-drinkable in the summer heat. There is a slight grassy aftertaste that is far more pronounced at room temp, so serving the drink over ice rather than straight from the fridge is definite pro tip.
The sheer flavors of each of Magic Number’s seltzers also made them a favorite for mocktails. A splash of prickly pear juice and a pinch of salt transformed the seltzer into a delicious, fizzy gatorade that cooled and refreshed us before couching us in a cushy cannabis complacency, One 25mg can made dealing with the heat almost tolerable, but note: The syrupy effects we experienced were likely influenced by how zapped we were by the heat. We took a can to the river once the temps calmed and found the high was far brighter and more elastic when our atmosphere was 20 degrees cooler.
Get it from: Mind Rite, 1780 NW Marshall St., 503-477-4430, mindritepdx.com.
Major: Volcanic Orange Mango
A more indulgent take on the canna beverage is Major’s Volcanic Orange Mango, which has the mouthfeel of juice box fruit punch, but also packs a very mature, botanical aftertaste that emerges from the throat with a satisfyingly bitter smack. Until recently this drink was exclusively sold in Washington, and was the top selling canna-beverage in the Evergreen State. A few gulps in and it was easy to understand the beverage’s statewide appeal. Alone, this juice satisfies a very specific craving for sugary-sweet refreshment, but when mixed with a flavorless seltzer or cut with flat ice water, the sweetness breaks out into something more multidimensional than a basic juice blend. There are suggestions of peppery terpenes, complex layers of citrus, and grassy herbs, all of which lend well to either mixing or chugging on its own. Major’s drinks are all formulated with a water soluble dosage that can activate in a little as 10 minutes, which we highly recommend when both a cold drink and stiff high are the priority.
Get it from: Chalice Farms, All locations, chalicefarms.com
Mellow Vibes’ Strawberry Kiwi Mojo
When a more measured dosing hand is needed for a diverse group of stoners, Mellow Vibes’ Mojo might be the wet bar solution you’re looking for. Each 1oz bottle of the concentrated elixir contains six 40 mg servings—the bottle totaling a heroic 250mgs each of CBD and THC.
One or two drops of this simple syrup stand-in can transform a cup of club soda into a party in a glass. But for those serious about hydrating with cannabis, I suggest adding the syrup to a brewed iced tea mixture as it cools. Mojo’s flavor is corner-store candy sweetness crossed with gassy diesel, and that fusion can make a basic Lipton brew taste like a pretentious bistro ice tea. But whether added to tea, soda or taken straight (oof), we found this high fuzzy in the head and fizzy in the body, which was the enlightenment we needed after 12 hours of sweating in our seats.
Get it from: Deanz Greenz, all locations, deanzgreenz.com
Vitonic’s Strange Brew Unsweet Ice Tea
Though they’re best known for their cartoonish grenade bottles of cannabis tonics, Vitonic’s recently launched Strange Brew teas feel a bit more suited to the northwest’s new deathly hot summer climate. Strange Brew is a straightforward, cannabis-infused ice tea. At its core, it’s a perfectly serviceable organic brew with an even, grassy aftertaste that balances well with the familiar earthy flavors of brewed black tea without turning skunky. It is both refreshing and stimulating in the precise way classic ice tea should be, with the added bonus of a 50mg high. For those who are not so much interested with flavor experimentation as they are with chilling out while getting high, Vitionic might be the product to get you through our next dome event.
Pro tip: In the cooler months, you can heat your Strange Brew for a literal high tea.
Get it from: Gras, 621 SE 7th Ave., 503-208-2365, grasdispensary.com.
Delta 9 Pink Lemonade
Lemonade is the ultimate summer beverage after flat ice water, but when facing armageddon temps, a lemonade with 50 mg of cannabis might be even more appropriate. Delta 9′s 7.5 oz can of Pink Lemonade is exactly that. Made with full spectrum, water soluble cannabis oil, this Pink Lemonade features robust, multidimensional highs that arrive quickly and hang around for a quite a while, all while satisfying the innate summer need for lemon water. It’s non-carbonated, but makes a pleasant addition to club soda, and when diluted with ice water still maintains a tart sweetness. Teetotalers be advised: Though this beverage feels infinitely drinkable, the effects are absolutely swoon-worthy, so don’t go swapping cans of Miller for cans of Delta 9. Instead, ditch the hops altogether and spread one full-dose can over several glasses of ice water.
Get it from: Oregrown, 111 NE 12th Ave., 503-477-6898, oregrown.com.
Select Oil Lemon Lime Squeeze
Another wet bar addition for lower stakes consumption is Select’s Squeeze. These palm-size squirt bottles deliver 5mgs of flavored THC concentrate per squeeze and utilize nano-tech to produce a water soluble cannabis infusion that absorbs in a fraction of the time of a traditional edible. With Select’s squeezable oils, users can build effects, similar to how one might puff a joint until they reach their max high, rather than chugging down a single serving and waiting to see where it takes them. Additionally, users can really flex their mixologist muscles by exploring how Select pairs with different base beverages. We squirted doses into watermelon agua fresca, tangerine club soda, and hibiscus sun tea and enjoyed each variation, but we feel assured that less adventurous sippers can squirt this in their McSprite and feel just as satisfied.
Get it from: Weedland, 4027 N Interstate Ave., 541-904-0000.