You are born and then you die—but in between, you qualify for gifts just for staying alive one more year. Here's how to spend a full day collecting your birthday entitlements in Portland.

Morning

Start with a Northwest classic—a free drink from Dutch Bros (multiple locations). All that's required is ID, which means you can take advantage of the coffee chain's generosity and get a beverage from any of its many drive-thrus throughout the day. Hopefully, your birthday falls after Macklemore takes over as the brand's creative director so you can sample his White Privilege Mocha or whatever else he comes up with.

Chase your free coffee with free doughnuts from Pip's Original (4759 NE Fremont St.), which'll hook you up with a dozen of its signature minis on your birthday or anytime within the following week. It's Portland's interpretation of a balanced breakfast.

Afternoon

After gorging on pastries, stripping down and soaking in a community hot tub might trigger some insecurity, but still—it's your birthday, and what better way to treat yourself? Alternative medicine center Everett House (2927 NE Everett St.) offers an hourlong spa session at its clothes-optional urban oasis.

For lunch, Pastini (multiple locations), Oregon's answer to Olive Garden, serves a gratis entree with a printed coupon from its website. Hey, it's better than Olive Garden, which only gives you a free dessert. And if you're in the mood for something sweet, follow your meal with a complimentary scoop of ice cream from Cloud City (4525 SE Woodstock Blvd.)—word has it the shop will even upgrade it to a sundae if you ask nicely.

Evening

Sadly, Portland's best birthday promotion—the "Power Hour" at Buckman bar EastBurn, where parties of nine could drink for free in the basement for 60 minutes—ended in 2018 because patrons were getting unruly (who'da thought?). But you can still find free birthday beer in Portland thanks to Rogue (multiple locations), which offers a 32-ounce stein to members of its Rogue Nation rewards program. Top off the night with a free round at Glowing Greens (509 SW Taylor St.), downtown's underground glow-in-the-dark, ghost pirate-themed mini-golf course.