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SEE: Christmas Ships Parade
A favorite Portland tradish, the Christmas Ships Parade launched (lol) in 1954, and has since become the longest continuously operating illuminated boat parade in the U.S. Truly full of holiday spirit, each captain participating in the parade designs their own illuminated display, many also fabricating their own light-up extravaganzas. The Christmas Ships are one of only 28 designated Oregon Heritage Traditions, making it a requisite for dyed-in-the-wool Portlanders/metro-area folks. Columbia River between the James Gleason Boat Ramp and Hayden Bay; Willamette River between Riverplace Marina and John’s Landing; christmasships.org. 7 pm Wednesday, Dec. 17. Free. All ages.
GO: Campfire Tales Holiday Party
Not unlike The Moth, Live Wire or Backfence, Campfire Tales is a storytelling community that produces story events onstage and online. Unlike their peers, however, Campfire events can occur via all manner of smaller community platforms, like potlucks, private dinners and even living rooms. This event however, is the org’s first-ever holiday gathering and is co-hosted by Leikam Brewing, so come through to revel in two of Portland’s favorite pastimes: drinking beer and talking shit. Leikam Brewery, 5812 E Burnside St., campfiretales.org. 7 pm Thursday, Dec. 18. $25. 21+.
LISTEN: Knowledge Fight Live
Dan Friesen and Jordan Holmes started the Knowledge Fight podcast in response to the universe of deeply flawed philosophies built by the iconoclastic demonic force Alex Jones. The comedians built the pod not on the basis of debate, but on the belief that mocking and documenting are far more powerful tools. See them wield said tools for yourself in this live show that, ideally, will offer the audience a sliver of comedic peace in this era of idiocracy. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., aladdin-theater.com. 7 pm Thursday, Dec. 18. $25. All ages.
WATCH: A Drunk Christmas Carol—Drunk Shakespeare Edition
Another key Stumptown Xmas tradition is this partly scripted, partly improvised production of A Christmas Carol that speaks not only to the Dickensian era we find ourselves in, but also this town’s affinity for responsibly nerdy drunken chaos. Scrooge does five preshow shots, and the improv troupe fights for their lives to keep the story on the rails. Additionally, there are audience suggestions, a wheel of accents, an ugly sweater contest, holiday hors d’oeuvres, a wine raffle, and gift giveaways throughout the night. Experience Theater Project, 18850 SW Alexander St., Aloha, experiencetheatreproject.org. 6:30 pm Friday, Dec 19. $30–$400. 21+.
SEE: Everest
Opera Parallèle’s multimedia opera Everest, composed by Joby Talbot with libretto by Gene Scheer, marks Portland Opera’s debut in the World Trade Center Theatre. The opera tells the story of an ill-fated mountain climbing expedition using not only the powerful vocal talents of Sasha Cooke, Nathan Granner and Kevin Burdette, among others, but also animation and interactive elements that upgrade the production from musical melodrama to immersive spectacle. World Trade Center Theatre, 121 SW Salmon St., portlandopera.org. 7:30 pm Friday and Saturday, 2 pm Sunday, Dec. 19–21. $50. All ages.
DRINK: Santa Con
Portland’s OG Holiday bar crawl returns with what will likely end up as thousands of revelers in their Santa-themed best, menacing the town with their drunken patronage. Even teetotalers can join in (from afar), because to witness a red wave of boozed-up Santas stumbling over each other as they whirl from watering hole to watering hole is itself an event. And yes, you will almost certainly see Santas sloppily making out with each other, so prepare your mental camera to absorb some things you will never unsee. Ticket price includes entry to 20 venues, two drinks, bar discounts and a rideshare discount. Ankeny Alley, 221 SW Ankeny St., portlandsantacon.com. 2–10 pm Saturday, Dec 19. $27. 21+.
LISTEN: Gothmas
On the shortest, darkest day of the year, succumb to the night and dance it all away at Gothmas, a dark wave solstice tribute featuring the sounds of Constant Debauchery (Depeche Mode tribute), Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me (The Cure tribute), and Precious Machinery (Siouxsie and the Banshees tribute). If all this holiday cheer is disturbing your dark heart, this is an excellent opportunity to get on the dance floor and rediscover your inner void. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., holocene.org. 6 pm Sunday, Dec. 21. $15. 21+.
SEE: Beauty and the Beast: The Musical Panto
For the uninitiated, Panto is a U..K holiday theater tradition that subverts the preachier holiday fare for a rollicking, interactive, family-friendly event marked by trademark slapstick, saucy dialogue, elaborate costumes, and wink-wink jokes that elicit full-throated hollers from the audience. On its face it may seem juvenile, but kids and adults alike can wholeheartedly enjoy Panto, and since audience interaction is a big part of the fun, bring your loudest cheering voices. McMenamins Mission Theater & Pub, 1624 NW Glisan St., portlandpantoplayers.com. 11 am Sunday, Dec 21. $30. All ages.
GO: The Movie Quiz
For those feeling exhausted by boozy Santas, electrified Christmas boats, and the proliferation of Christmas productions around town, let The Movie Quiz help you find solace. This straight-up quiz night, hosted by Mark The Quizmaster, features questions about movies across all genres and eras, asking players to identify a particular film from its soundtrack, dialogue or a screen cap, or spot their favorite actors just by what they said and looked like in a particular role. Winter in the Northwest may heavily feature being holed up and locked in to streaming services, but the chance to make all that bed rotting useful. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., hollywoodtheatre.org. 7 pm Monday, Dec. 22. $6. All ages.
