What a time to be alive.

It has become fashionable in Portland to bemoan 2018 as a dystopian nightmare—bad president, big violence, bizarre weather, bum vibes. Yet, consider: If you're reading this, you're alive. The year didn't kill you. Donald Trump didn't get you. Joey Gibson didn't hit you. Things are looking up!

Viewed from another angle—from the vantage point of the resilient survivor—2018 was a pretty good year. It was certainly the least boring year we can remember. By that measure, maybe 2018 was…the greatest year of all time?

You may object to this designation. But we can prove it, the scientific way: with lists. We stole a page from Shea Serrano's delightful book Basketball (and Other Things), in which he settles sports arguments by ranking the greatest things ever to occur on a hardwood court. That approach—and its hyperbolic reliance on superlatives—seemed a useful counterbalance to the negativity we encounter each day on Twitter. (Except on the "Not Ted Wheeler Googling" account, which is the greatest.)

In the following pages, we make our case for the greatest events and people to cross Portland's path in 2018. We ranked the 10 greatest quotes uttered by Portlanders this year. We ranked things we lost and some of what we gained, the stuff we'll miss and the stuff we're glad to see go. (Buh-bye, Fred and Carrie.) We ranked the city's best new bars and billboards and Blazer beefs.

It's the greatest city in the world. And these are the greatest things that happened in it. We will not be taking questions at this time.