2012 Holiday Gift Guide, Vol. 2

Nice Things for Naughty People

In our first Holiday Gift Guide, we directed you to some downright pleasant local stores, where you might putter around aimlessly and endlessly to find gifts for the various people in your life—craftsfolk, snoots, children—who might like to get a little something-something in cellophane and a bow.

Well, the time for puttering is over, you filthy procrastinator. The season's various gift-giving holidays are fast approaching or winding perilously down. 

We like to follow a simple rule when our backs are against the wall: shoot for the plump, low-hanging fruit.

And, of course, we know that all acquisition stems from vice, and that vice is at the heart of our most decadent enjoyments. We've learned this from Leo Tolstoy, Gautama Buddha and Mitt Romney. 

So for our Holiday Gift Guide Volume 2: Nice Things for Naughty People, we've picked 42 strange or wonderful or even useful items, all sold at independent local stores or websites, that appease or pander shamelessly to the traditional seven capital vices, from wrath to sloth.

Do not fight the failings or weaknesses of your friends and family. Indulge them terribly. The holidays, after all, are no time for nagging or self-improvement. 

Let's all be worse together, in relentless good spirits. 

And, as always, we raise our collective glasses to the mostly gentle passing of another year. Cheers! Kampai! Iechyd da! 

—Matthew Korfhage

The Capital(ist) Vices:

Wrath, Greed, Envy, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Sloth


Editor: Matthew Korfhage
Art Directors: Brittany Moody, Dylan Serkin
Ad Designers: Dylan Serkin, Kerry Crow
Copy Editors: Rob Fernas, Matt Buckingham, Peggy Capps
Editorial Contributor: Sami Gaston
Photographer: Matt Wong
Portland Gingerbread House: Olinka Broadfoot for ADX
Director of Advertising: Jane Smith
Advertising Executives: Maria Boyer, Michael Donhowe, Carly Hutchens, Ryan Kingrey, Janet Norman, Kyle Owens, Sharri Miller Regan

Special thanks to mallet-maker Charlie Haughey, the team at ADX, and cover model Michael Ewing.


The beauty of imaginary violence is a dangerous seduction, we suppose. We should cease all Call of Duty play immediately, burn our John Woo DVDs, stop blowing up 2-liters in our collective basement. But we probably won't. These cold, metallic dreams have been sharpening their edges for far too long, and they've already cut too deep.

1. Hammer-forged Nakiri
by Toyokuni. 
2. Nunchaku
3. Corey Smith stealth fighter rings
by Winifred Jewelry.
$35-$80 at Winifred Jewelry, 811 E Burnside St., 473-2755, winifredjewelry.com. 
4. Skullshred Gloves
by Grenade Gloves.
5. Fisticup
by Fred & Friends.
$18.99 at Compound Gallery, 107 NW 5th Ave., 796-2733, compoundgallery.com.
6. Sterling silver Tec-9 pendant
by Combat Couture.
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1. Wrap wallet
by Portland designer Martine. 
2. 1:6 scale Eero Aarnio ball chair
by Vitra.
3. Square clock in walnut.
4. Aalto Vase
by Iittala.
. Log bowl
by Loyal Loot Collective.
$150 at Woonwinkel, 935 SW Washington St., 334-2088, woonwinkelhome.com.
6. The National solid-state headphone amplifier
by Portland company ALO Audio.
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It's only natural to seethe when subjected to other people's all-too-documented Facebook vacations—or merely, simply, to covet them for yourself. And, sure, you could maybe find your cure in effortful, blandly narcissistic yoga practice. But absolute, disconnected self-indulgence also does the trick just fine, at lesser psychic cost to your friends.

1. Magnolia Candle
by Izola. 
2. Seaweed & Minerals Bath Soak
by Herbivore Botanicals. 
3. CocoaRose Dream Cream
y Goldie’s.
$26 at Beam & Anchor, 2710 N Interstate Ave., 367-3230, beamandanchor.com. 
4. Luxury face oil
by Rodin.
5. Night Carafe
by Sugahara.
6. Charcoal Body Scrub Towel 
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Whoever thought lust was a sin just wasn't paying attention. It is perhaps the only vice that offers itself so generously to the world: Lust can only be shared, or else it's useless. Which is another way of saying, if you give any of these gifts to the right person, it's also a gift to yourself.

1. Fun wand
by njoy. 
2. Vega demi-cup bra & low-rise knickers
by Fortnight Lingerie.
3. Pure Sweet Almond Massage Oil
by Escential.
4. Fur-lined pingpong paddle. 
5. Portland neighborhood honey
by BeeLocal. 
6. Devore handmade underwear
by Tribe. 
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Pride needn't always be some irritating, rooster-crowing thing; sometimes it's just a matter of liking where you are, liking your neighbors, liking the things that make your city or family what it is. A few things, then, that celebrate that.

1. Pendleton wool coffee cozy
handmade by Michael Parich.
2. Flag of San Marino
(or any one of more than 150 other nations). 
3. Made in Oregon onesie
by Seasons K.
4. Finder Guide to Portland
by Willamette Week.
5. Portland Tunnel Book
by LEAFpdx.
$24 at Tender Loving Empire, 412 SW 10th Ave., 243-5859, tenderlovingempire.com. 
6. Ka-pow! Extracto single-origin coffee bar
by Portland chocolatier Sahagún. 
$6 at Cacao, 712 SW Salmon St., 274-9510, cacaodrinkchocolate.com.
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Food is good. Good food is really good. We understand, of course, the fastest way to a congested heart is through a full stomach, but...seriously? Food is good.

1. Salted caramel sauce
by Portland chocolatier Xocolotl de David.
2. Dark chocolate squirrel and nuts
by Alma. 
3. Arbequina Extra Virgin Olive Oil
by Oregon Olive Mill. 
4. Duker's Dills Hot Carrots
by Portland pickler Our Favorite Foods. 
$16 at the Woodsman Market, 4529 SE Division St., 971-373-8267, woodsmantavern.com/market. 
5. Raw Nigerian Dwarf Goat Cheese
by Pholia Farm in Elk Mountain, Ore.
6. Netarts Bay sea salt
by Portland's Jacobsen Salt Co.
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Ah, you might not have written that novel, or gotten that job, or gotten up to go to that job. You might not have changed your underwear in over 48 hours. But you know what? There's nothing like a fine bottle of booze to make you feel like you're really getting somewhere.

Golden Quince liqueur
by Stone Barn Brandyworks.
2. Cerasus kriek beer
with Oregon cherries
by Logsdon Organic Farmhouse Ales.
Sinfire cinnamon whiskey
by Hood River Distillery.
Spruce Gin
by Rogue Ales.
Mourvédre wine
by Enso Winery.
Bourbon Little Brother Belgian dark strong beer
by the Commons Brewery. 
$11 at the Commons Brewery, 1810 SE 10th Ave., 343-5501, thecommonsbrewery.com.

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