2733 NE Broadway, 662-8454, halepele.com. 4 pm-midnight daily.

It's a shame what post-WWII America made Polynesian culture into: little else than Spam sliders and heavy-handed knickknackery. The cozy, jungle hut feel of Hale Pele doesn't exactly deviate from the Trader Vic's/Don the Beachcomber model, but owner Blair Reynolds' focus on a back-to-basics approach to notoriously cloying cocktails makes this easy to forgive. It's the drinks that you're here for—and dear Lord, are they stiff. While bars such as Clyde Common and Rum Club win credit for serving rum-based classics in moodier low-key environs, Hale Pele should be deducted zero points for going the extra mile by adding the appropriate flair—whether swizzle stick or pillar of flame—to their concoctions. Consider the menu a map and the bartender your compass when ordering drinks. Looking to tie one on in classic fashion? The Zombie Punch ($15) is a guaranteed winner. Stuck holding the crew's car keys? Try the Beachcomber's Punch ($9) and, more importantly, try to drink only one. Then try to remember where your car is parked, at which point you should go back inside for another while your cab materializes.

Happy hour: 4-6 pm daily. Steeply discounted tiki faves and food. 

Entertainment: Volcanic eruptions. Occasional rain showers. Plus, someone's bound to light their eyebrows on fire before getting carried home by his neighbor's wife.