A woman has claimed responsibility for the dildos that have been brightening up Portland's power and telephone lines of late, not to mention decorating the pages of the New York Post

In a phone interview with Vice magazine—which did not identify the woman, treating her as a sort of Deep Throat of dildos—the 20-something woman said she is tossing the dildos as a free expression of joy.

"It had to be done. I have no idea why, but it had to," she told Vice. "Dick-tossing is an exercise in happiness.

She's got 10,000 sex toys, she says—a mother lode of factory rejects—and she's nowhere near done. But they're not sure what to do with the butt plugs.

"The dicks are easy," she told Vice. "Grab the heads and throw the center of the string at the light. The plugs don't weigh enough for accuracy and it has to be quick. I'm not sure what'll be done with all the butt plugs."

City officials don't seem too concerned, according to the article—mostly just warning people not to be fool enough to try to get them off the power lines, which is dangerous for reasons so obvious we barely need say, despite the pictures we've seen of dudes clambering on pickup trucks to get them down.

 IMAGE: Portland redditor comomo. (Do not do this.)


Only one party seems concerned about the dildos, according to the piece. Sid Need, a sales associate at She Bop, warns people not to use the dildos if they fall of their own accord: "These particular toys contain phthalates," he tells Vice, "which is not something we would sell in our store."