WWeed Grow-Off Week 7

On July 1, recreational weed became legal in Oregon. One of the things that means is that everyone can now legally grow up to four marijuana plants. Here at Willamette Week, we were so excited that we decided to have an old-fashioned office grow-off. All of our plants started the same size and they are all the P-91 strain, but each department elected to grow its plants in different ways.

See previous installments of our weed growing journey here.

Arts & Culture: Candis

Brutal rooftop heat left Candis somewhat wilted and yellowing around the edges. But fear not! We in the Arts & Culture department took swift action and immediately implemented a twice-daily watering routine which has brought Candis back to some of her former glory (notwithstanding the new development of a slight leeward list.) We expect major growth in coming days with our new watering schedule and next week's lower afternoon temperatures.

Art: Oscar

Oscar. Poor Oscar. It's not easy to be born into a broken home. His caretaker left the art department, and apparently the rest of the team has been unable to pick up the pieces after her loss. Think of the children, Art department! Think of poor, emaciated Oscar! Pull yourselves together!

News: Reggie

Reggie is a bit of a runt due to absentee parenting. “I forgot to water him going into the weekend, so he had a hard time. He’s coming back now, though,” says News intern Hart. Though not abandoned to the same degree as Oscar, Reggie apparently suffers from being viewed as a burden by his caretakers, an existential fate arguably worse than Oscar’s. 

Sales: Bootsy

Bootsy is a fit and frisky plant. Located on top of a cubicle divider, her branches nearly touch the ceiling lamp; her leaves sway in the air from the AC vent. Clearly one of the healthiest plants in the office, she's bound to be a major contender come harvest time. 

Accounting: Addi

Built like a gymnast, Addi is short and bulky. Her foliage fans densely under her dedicated grow light, although her branches haven't ascended much above 18 inches. Addi's caretakers have encouraged this behavior by anchoring the branches outward. If the plant ever decides to shoot up, it will have a strong base from which to do so.

Events: Liz

Behind this papered door is the top secret science experiment of a grow operation responsible for the plant the Events team has code named “Liz.” Some say Events has a dedicated team of botanists caring for Liz led by the real-life inspiration for the character of Silas on the Showtime original series Weeds. Others say Liz is watered exclusively with the remaining bottles of Hair of the Dog brewing’s $2,000 beer, “Dave.” All we know for sure at this point is that Events is too busy with MusicfestNW to let me into the closet and I’m just making shit up.  

WWeek 2015

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