March 17th, 2012 7:00 am | by AARON MESH News | Posted In: City Hall, Politics

Mayoral Madness: Josiah Failing Regional


This is what democracy looks like.

Herewith, the last sixteen matchups of the first round. They may also be the best. Barbers, bloggers, one elephant and a whole lot of musicians. Please remember that Tres Shannon has given his endorsement to Packy. This may influence your vote in some way. We don't know.

You can still vote in the other three regionals, the Vera Katz, Bud Clark and Dorothy McCullough Lee regionals. You can find the whole bracket here. You have until Monday at 8 pm Pacific Standard Time. May God have mercy on us all.


1. Thomas Lauderdale, Bandleader extraordinaire
16. Danny Chavez, Karaoke saxophonist

Lauderdale leads Pink Martini, he knows everybody in town, and he's talked of actually running for mayor. Consider this a dress rehearsal. First roadblock: Chavez, who leads his own karaoke band at the Spare Room, and will play saxophone on any song that has a saxophone part (and some that don't).

8. Cool Nutz, Hip-hop producer
9. Courtenay Hameister, Live Wire! producer and host

Is it unfair that Hameister is hosting Candidates Gone Wild while being conscripted as an actual mayoral candidate? Yes, but she'll handle it with her usual stage panache. Cool Nutz also knows how to rock the mic, but has an unfair advantage: Who doesn't want a Mayor Nutz?

5. Adam Arnold, Fashion designer
12. Terrell Brandon, Timberwolf/barber

Arnold's namesake couture house is the city's finest—he's the one designer creating a distinctive Portland look. Brandon also sells apparel, at his old-school barber shop. Watch out for his no-look pass.

4. Rick Emerson, Cult radio host
13. Jody Stahancyk, Fearsome divorce lawyer

People in Portland are nuts about Emerson: He got canned by some radio station and nobody remembers the radio station. They just listen to Rick. If he campaigns, he's a dark horse to win it all. But first he must confront Stahancyk and, as formerly rich philanderers in Portland know: Jody Stahancyk doesn't lose.

6. Tracy Barry, KGW anchor
11. Packy the Elephant, Painter

Tracy Barry has smiled through many stories on Packy. She's proven she can handle the spotlight. Here's the case for Packy, who is untested politically: You already voted to give him $125 million in taxpayer money. Shouldn't he have to work for it?

3. Jack Bogdanski, Breaking-news blogger
14. Greg Oden, Highly breakable Blazer

Bojack has strong opinions on everything—surely he already thinks this is a damned waste of time—including Oden, who he's been comparing to Sam Bowie since the kneeless Buckeye was drafted. This is Greg's chance for revenge. It will probably not go well. Poor Greg.

7. Jenny Conlee-Drizos, Decemberist
10. Cheryl Strayed, “Dear Sugar” essayist

Our favorite Decemberist. (Yeah, we said it.) Our favorite Pacific Crest Trail hiker. One of them is in every band in the city. The other writes a rad advice column. Apples. Oranges. Compare.

2. Kathy Foster, Better half of the Thermals
15. Felicia Heaton, @ShitMyScnrSays

This might be a closer match-up than it first appears. Sure, Foster is the consummate rocker, and seems to be everywhere. But Heaton, a DJ by day, has our favorite Twitter account. And she's got a police scanner: She knows what you're thinking. That's how police scanners work.

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